His World
by cresselia8themoon
Summary: Series of drabbles centered on the crazy things that happen when you're around Milo, friends, and family. With a dash of pistachios and time travel thrown in for good measure.
1. Rainy Day

_1\. When They Said It Was Pouring Cats and Dogs I Didn't Think It Was Literal_

"It's raining, it's pouring, cats and dogs are falling," Milo sang. He stopped and glanced around, realizing that there really were dozens of furry quadrupeds dropping from the sky along with the rain. "Good thing I ordered that extra-gigantic trampoline!"

2\. _Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down_

Monday. Rain. The worst combination of all. Melissa stared blankly at the chalkboard, uninterested. Of course they would be learning about the water cycle today. She and the rest of the class were completely miserable from the storm.

Except for Milo, who was sitting up and paying immense attention to the lesson. He took notes, flipping his pencil and erasing something, only to push too hard. The eraser popped off, bouncing around the class. Everyone dove for cover, sighing when the eraser bounced off a sprinkler on the ceiling and further soaked everybody.

More water. Yay.

3\. _Don't Rain on My Parade_

"I told you to keep an eye on the weather forecast!" Balthazar scolded, shivering when he made the mistake of wringing his soaked hat above his head, cold water splashing on his glasses.

"I couldn't help myself! That guy who yells at all the bad restaurants was on!" Vinnie held up his hands in protest. "Do you want to take the pistachio float for a joyride later?"

"We'd better call our boss. Mission Divert the Pistachio Parade was a colossal failure."

"Before today, I didn't even know that llamas liked pistachios. And llama wool smells terrible."


	2. Springtime

1\. _April Showers Bring the Wrong Mayflower_

Sara stared confusedly at the giant replica of the Mayflower that had just destroyed the garage. "Hello, is this the manager of April Showers? There's been a mistake with the delivery. I ordered a one foot replica from your History catalog, not a hundred-foot one."

"Happy Not-Birthday, Sa-" a strong gust of wind ripped the cake out of Milo's hands, splattering the Mayflower and setting it aflame.

"Can you hold? Thanks. Hi, Mr. Chase. A not-birthday cake set a replica of the Mayflower on fire at our house. You will? Thanks for your help!"

2\. _Bee-ware_

Vinnie and Balthazar had never run so fast in their lives, not even in their training simulation. "Who in their right mind let bees take up residence in here?" Balthazar cursed.

"Without them we wouldn't be seeing all these flowers, Balthy! They're important pollinators in the ecosystem!" Vinnie replied. "And their honey is great for sore throats!"

"You can lecture me later on preventing their extinction! Just run!"

"Next time we should bee-ware. Get it? I added an extra 'e' to make it a double pun on 'beware' and 'be aware'?"

"Ugh."

3\. _Bunnies_

"Stop, Milo," Elliot said curtly. "These adorable baby bunnies need to cross the street and I will not allow you to cross at the same time lest some tragedy befall them."

Milo glanced at the heap of fluff next to him. "They are pretty cute," he said. "Are they domesticated?"

Elliot nodded. "My brother runs a petting zoo and-oh, don't distract me from my duties. Don't think I don't know your tricks."

"I don't think you've seen my original take on a rabbit-in-a-hat trick-"

"Don't even think about touching those fluffballs, Murphy."


	3. Summer

Request from universe-queen-melissa on Tumblr.

* * *

1\. _104 Days of Summer Vacation_

Melissa marked a calendar with red pen. "The reason we have 104 days for our summer vacation is because the mayor of Danville signed an ordinance to increase it after pressure from student activists. The rest of the Tri-State Area followed suit."

"That doesn't explain how there's over 150 inventions all dated to last summer on BiggestP&Ffan's blog," Zack showed Melissa pictures of a beach, circus, and several rollercoasters.

"That rollercoaster crushed my dreams! And they rebuilt it as a musical without regard for science projects?"

"Forget that. How could a bust possibly cause a dystopian future?"

2\. _Ice Cream Cones and Cherry Soda_

"Ice cream eating contest! One, two, three, go!" Milo promptly took a large bite out of his pistachio ice cream, and collapsed to the floor clutching his head in agony. "Brain… freeze…." he moaned.

"If my opponent gets a brain freeze, do I win by default?" Zack asked, drizzling strawberry syrup on his banana sundae.

Melissa shrugged, taking a sip of her cherry soda. "It's probably in the FAQ somewhere for official ice cream eating competitions." Red liquid dripped down her chin.

"You look like a vampire now," Zack smirked.

"Hand over that syrup and I could make it more convincing."

"Five bucks says you could convince Milo."

"I never lose, Underwood."

3\. _Summer of Possibilities_

Fun in the sun cut off by a freak thunderstorm? No problem! Always carry around lightning and waterproof ponchos!

Families flying kites being chased by an angry flock of waterfowl? Grab all the bread you can carry and create a crumb trail to the lake to divert their attention!

A nice, relaxing hike in the mountains takes an unexpected turn when a giant boulder is rolling down at high speed towards you? Dive inside that nearby hole and discover an abandoned mine!

More possibilities open up in summer when you're no longer confined to a schedule! And it's up to us to exploit those opportunities!


	4. Fall

1\. _Pumpkin Spice_

"Pumpkin spice scented candles, pumpkin spice cookies, pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin spice glitter stickers, and pumpkin spice perfume!" Sara stood back and admired her handiwork, the entire living room smelling like the seasonal food.

"Whoa, you weren't kidding when you said your sister was the queen and ultimate authority of pumpkin spice," Zack commented.

"If you think this is impressive, wait until we start carving jack-o-lanterns!" Milo threw his hands up excitedly, forgetting that he was still holding a mug of hot pumpkin latte. The liquid splashed on Zack's hair, causing him to yelp in pain.

"My bad," Milo chuckled nervously. "I'll grab a towel. But on the bright side, your hair will smell like pumpkin spice!"

2\. _Lovely Weather for a Hay Ride of Death With You_

"Whoa! Whoa!" Milo tugged at the reins, determined to stop the out-of-control hay ride he and his classmates were in. The carriage clipped a lamp post, everyone hanging onto each other and screaming for dear life as they were knocked around mercilessly. The horses neighed and bucked, completely out of sync.

"No worries, I got this. Unless we lose a wheel-" A rear wheel broke loose, rolling in the opposite direction and crashing into a pistachio stand. "Spoke too soon, if you'll pardon the pun."

"Milo, we're heading straight for the farmer's market!" Amanda shrieked.

"If we all go out in a glorious fireball of hay and organic fruit, I just want everyone to know that it was me who used all the hand sanitizer that one day in lab when we were dissecting the alpaca eyes," Chad confessed.

"YOU WHAT?" the class yelled at him, momentarily forgetting their predicament.

They were about to slam into an apple stall when the horses suddenly stopped, sending everyone flying out of the carriage and into various stands.

Melissa groaned, picking fresh produce out of her hair. "I really hope there isn't a break and buy policy here..."

"At least the carriage is in mostly one piece, exception being the hind wheel!" The carriage immediately fell apart. To their credit, the horses didn't spook, only munching on Granny Smith apples to the seller's dismay.

"Guess we're walking the five miles back to school."

3\. _Leaf him Alone!_

Vinnie sneezed, the leaf camouflage tickling his nose. "You know I have bad allergies around this time of year," he complained. Not to mention the stiffness, the itchiness, or all the other -nesses.

"Well, we can't just leave these leaves to rot," Balthazar said. "We must be resourceful when it comes to outwitting Agent Murphy, and these leaves were ripe for the taking."

Their leaf costumes rustled as they walked, people in this city being surprisingly tolerant of giant leaf piles with legs and glasses.

"I doubt resourceful means stealing garbage bags filled with dead leaves and supergluing them-"

"Shhh! Enemy sighted! Assume position!" Balthazar grabbed Vinnie's hand and moved to the lawn as Milo Murphy walked down the street with a dog and leash in hand.

They stood still, waiting for Milo and his dog to pass so they could begin an intelligence-gathering mission. "Diogee, you shouldn't run off like that," Milo scolded gently. "I know you like Veronica, but you can't just show up at her house whenever you feel like it. That's rude."

Diogee barked, then stopped directly in front of Balthazar and Vinnie. He sniffed the sidewalk, a pillbug, and the grass for several minutes. Vinnie stiffened, holding his breath as he silently begged Diogee to go away. Diogee's snout bumped into his shoes several times, until finally he stopped, lifted his leg and-

In a split second Vinnie decided he still had a little dignity left and hightailed it out of there.

"Dakota, get back here!" Balthazar shouted, then mentally cursed himself. He just gave himself away!

Milo Murphy smiled and waved as he ran after his partner. "I like your leaf camouflage! See you guys some other time!"

* * *

 _Moral of the story: Do not stalk Milo or else Diogee will urinate on you._


	5. Winter

1\. _The Snow Pistachio_

"And when you put the magical fez on the snow pistachio, she comes to life!" Veronica explained, producing a red fez out of her trusty backpack. "Ta-da! And I happen to own it!"

"Does this mean we can see her come to life?" Milo asked, quivering in excitement as he attached the longest, thickest sticks he could find to the snow pistachio.

"Yup! Let the magic begin!" Veronica threw a handful of snow in the air. She passed the fez to Milo and lifted him so he could place it on the snow pistachio. Milo stuck his tongue out in thought as he figured out the best position for the accessory, then flattened out a patch of snow at the top. He carefully set the fez there, tilting it to the right.

As soon as Veronica released Milo, snowflakes and white sparkles swirled around the snow pistachio in a miniature blizzard. Two lumps of snow packed around the base, lengthening into legs. The snow pistachio stretched and stood, waving her stick arms at Milo.

"It worked! Veronica, it worked!" Milo smiled.

"Wintertime's fun!" The snow pistachio walked into the street. "Follow me!" Milo was about to run after her, but Veronica held him back, shaking her head. Her Murphy's Law senses were tingling. "Follow-AH!"

A pick-up truck screeched to a stop in front of the former snow pistachio, now reduced to slush. The driver's door opened, and a snowman stumbled out. "I HAVE MURDERED ONE OF MY BRETHREN! NOOOOO!" he wailed.

Veronica chuckled nervously. "So, how about a steaming cup of hot cocoa?"

2\. _Snow Day_

Snow days are a blessing and a curse. And sometimes they should just be called "There is literally one ice patch in this entire city why is this called a snow day when there is no snow" day.

"They cancelled school today because of this? This miniscule, easily missed, stupid patch of ice?" Lydia glared daggers at the offending lump on the front lawn of the school, chest heaving in frustration. "We spent an entire month working on a production of _The King and I_ for the elementary schools and all that toil and sweat amounted to nothing! Absolutely nothing!"

Melissa was secretly relieved about the cancellation, mostly because she was procrastinating on a math project. "Do you need to vent in musical format or a monologue?" she asked.

"Musical format. How does a ballad that transforms into a rock number sound? It's the perfect way to express my innermost thoughts about my love for the theater that later evolves into an outlet which expresses anger at the state of our school district," Lydia immediately jumped into vocal exercises.

Melissa nodded. "Cool. I sent word to the rest of Just Getting Started. They'll be here in ten minutes. Or twenty. You know how Murphy's Law is."

3\. _Penguin Huddles are the Best Cuddles_

The school's heating system malfunctioned. Again. Everyone was in double and triple layers, though the cold seemed to sap at their bones and will to live. Bradley had long given up on wiping the fog off his glasses, instead focusing on preserving as much body heat as possible. Unfortunately, cloth jackets were completely ineffective when dealing with Jack Frost. He wished he had the foresight to bring his electric blanket.

Mr. Drako gave up on the lesson. Not even the most studious of the class could concentrate on Chinese dynasties when their fingers stiffened on their pencils and hear the lecture over chattering teeth. He pulled on a black trenchcoat, folding his arms across his chest in a V-shape.

The clock was frozen at 1:24. Not even an inanimate object could function in this a room this cold.

"H-hey guys! W-wanna h-huddle like p-penguins?" Milo addressed the class through chattering teeth.

Bradley almost accepted. Almost. He would rather be forced to read trashy vampire novels than accept cuddles from Milo. On the other hand, an invitation to share body heat with Melissa seemed too good to be true. His thoughts backtracked quickly, reminding him that it was cold and that he would never accept a hug from Milo Murphy.

Melissa and Zack clung to Milo immediately, throwing their arms around each other in a desperate attempt to warm up. Milo laughed and tilted his head, inviting their classmates to join in too. Mort and Chad were the next ones to join in, followed by Crystal and Lydia. Crystal blushed when Zack wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I d-didn't s-schedule cuddling t-time but I'll forego i-it just this o-once," Amanda sighed, stumbling to her feet and joining the group cuddle. Milo brushed shoulders with her, smiling brightly. More classmates joined them, forgetting any cautionary details of Murphy's Law they've heard in favor of immediate warmth.

This continued until Bradley was the only person in the room who wasn't part of the group cuddle, though he glanced enviously at them. He had to admit, the temperature no longer seemed unbearable now that there was a large heat source in the middle of the classroom.

"What are you waiting for, Bradley?" Milo shouted at him. "There's room for you too!"

"I d-don't c-cuddle when I'm near d-danger zones," Bradley muttered, though his voice lacked the scathing bite he usually had around Milo.

"If you think about it, Bradley," Melissa said, rolling her eyes. "Covering someone with hypothermia in warm blankets and clothing will bring their body heat up for a while until it's possible to get them to a hospital. So pretend you've fallen in a frozen lake in Alaska during winter and that you've got hypothermia."

She was good. He had no retort for proven medical procedures. Dragging his feet to the group cuddle, he slowly approached the side Milo wasn't on. Bradley stiffened when a hand was placed on his back, relaxing when it was only a friendly gesture from Mort. It was warm. Nice. There were no other words to describe it.

And sometimes a little warmth was all he needed.


	6. Restraint

Request from wiz-witch on Tumblr. This set is a lot more angsty than what I normally write, so be warned.

* * *

1\. _Broken_

This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this. Agent Murphy, no, Milo, stolen from his time period and led away in chains. His smile strained at the corners, no longer bright and carefree. A boy who pushed through bad luck with a spring in his step, a child hanging out with his friends, a son who brought much joy to his family...

Never again. They broke him. _He_ broke him. All because of his ridiculous pride. His stupid, foolish obsession with saving the world has led to many idiotic mistakes before, but none were as grave as ripping a child from a secure, loving home.

The Bureau's praise rang hollow. Oh, how he wished he could rip the document that detailed his promotion into shreds and shove it all down Block's stupid throat. Though the satisfaction wouldn't last. It would never last.

Dakota wouldn't speak to him. Or even look at him. He was right. Should've listened. Should've appreciated him more. Now his colleague and only friend hated him.

Not a hero. Just a villain.

2\. _Chains_

The holding cell was nice. In movies, prisons were dingy, dusty, filled with rats and gigantic, hardened crooks who beat you up the moment you looked at one funny. But not here. In a way, it was almost worse.

The cell reminded him of his personal suite in the hospital. White, sterile walls, one door in the front, a small bed in the middle. But there were no family and friends to cheer him up with flowers and food, or to sign a brand new cast with messy scribbles, or promises to record the new Dr. Zone episodes so he could catch up on what he missed. Not in this place.

They had confiscated his backpack the moment he arrived. He had no tools to undo the shackles on his hands that bound him to the wall. He was free to pace the length of the room, sure, the chains gave him some freedom. But they stopped him when he was mere feet from the door, as if taunting him with the promise of freedom but dangling it ever so slightly out of his reach.

Words floated down from the observation deck above. _Dangerous, jinx, erasure, prevention,_ they murmured. He couldn't hear entire sentences or their exact plans, but there was no reason that they couldn't let him be free. Right? He managed to survive. He pulled through. He always came through. So...

Why?

It wasn't so bad! They still fed him at least! And there was a bouncy ball he could throw at the wall! Maybe he could request some colored pens and paper so he doodle and brighten up this lonely, white place! Did they even have those?

Murphy's Law was unusually silent. He couldn't even count on his condition to accompany him now. Let something happen. Anything. It could be a falling vase-no, there wasn't a vase in here- or a crashing helicopter full of marmots (but they were inside), just... something! Anything!

The door opened, and James Bond undid his chains. Or at least, a man that heavily resembled James Bond. He wasn't so sure anymore. He wanted to ask, but his throat was too parched. A beautiful woman offered him water, and he gratefully gulped it down. She said he'd need it for the interrogation.

He wanted to trust them. He really did.

3\. _Night_

In the past, the night sky offered a gorgeous view of the stars, people pointing out all the zodiac signs, constellations, and planets they could possibly name. Now, Dakota could barely see them.

Milo needed to shine. He had so much to offer, and they cruelly ripped away his future. For the greater good? How was kidnapping and interrogating someone just because they were extra unlucky for the greater good? Why didn't he fight Cavendish over this? Why did he not step in, cause a distraction, do anything to prevent him from being kidnapped?

Dakota needed to get some things off his chest. He crept out of the sleeping quarters, maybe he could see Milo and apologize. For everything. A hand clamped down on his shoulder, and he whirled around to face Cavendish. Anger boiled up inside at seeing his face, but he held back. Never, in all their missions, had Cavendish looked _exhausted_. Old, even.

Cavendish pointed to the holding cell. Dakota could set his anger aside for now. Oh, he still wanted to take his partner's ego down a few pegs, but seeing Milo safely home was the most important mission now.

They used their night vision goggles to navigate through the darkness. Dakota's heart sank as they approached the cell. Of course Savannah and Brick would be assigned as night guards.

Savannah exchanged a few heated words with Cavendish, berating him for allowing a child to be subject to the Bureau's brutal interrogation techniques. It was a wonder Milo hadn't snapped from the unbearable pressure. He was truly extraordinary. Brick said nothing, but passed a heavy, brown backpack to them. It was the one Milo always wore. A security blanket to anchor him to his loved ones.

The door opened, though Savannah and Brick remained at their posts. On the small bed, Milo clutched the thin blanket tightly. It wasn't cold, but Milo's body shivered and shook as he cried quietly.

Dakota dropped the backpack on the space beside Milo. The child looked up in surprise, then dove into his track suit, clinging to any kindness this horrible place had left. He awkwardly rubbed Milo's back as he sobbed, but Cavendish stayed by the door, unwilling to interrupt. But Milo noticed, then tried to approach him. The chains held him back, keeping him several feet away from comforting the older man.

Enough was enough. Dakota broke the chain with a sharp metal file, and kicked them aside. No more chains. And certainly never on Milo.

Milo rubbed his sore wrists, then held his hand out towards Cavendish. He offered him a tiny smile. Cavendish hesitated, his arms folded around his chest defensively. Slowly, he reached out and took Milo's hand, finally returning that same bright smile. Then he calibrated the Temporal Transporter, setting it to the 21st century.

Dakota squeezed Cavendish's arm. Next time they'd work through their hardships together. He couldn't stay angry. Not when Cavendish had finally recognized his mistakes.

A portal opened in front of them, a view of the Murphy's home sitting in the middle of swirling blue mist. Milo glanced between them, slipping on his backpack. He waved, then stepped through. Dakota and Cavendish waved back, cutting off the connection.

They could entrust Savannah and Brick to come up with a cover story. Their word held more weight after all. Block would likely strip their promotions in the morning, but they were all right with that. But they had successfully completed one mission.

Milo was home.


	7. Duck

Request by universe-queen-melissa on Tumblr. And we're back to lighthearted comedy after the feelsfest that was yesterday.

* * *

1\. _Fluffy Demon Ducklings of Doom_

Ducks were Public Enemy Number 2, but most people underestimated their deviousness. Elliot had firsthand experience with the accursed waterfowl, often being attacked after an encounter with Milo Murphy. He had yet to determine if Murphy emitted an aura that made ducks go berserk in his presence or if he was planning to raise a secret duck army and brainwash the masses. The thought alone would make even the bravest warriors quake in their boots.

 _Flames licked the inner city, infrastructure crumbled as people fled, and homes were crushed under the weight of hundreds upon hundreds of fluffy ducklings. They surrounded innocent families, overwhelming them with their tiny webbed feet and soft, downy feathers. One by one, they were brainwashed, doomed to repeat "quack" for the rest of their miserable, insignificant lives._

" _Fly, fly my precious ducklings!" Murphy cackled. "Bring the city to a standstill and wipe their minds! Denizens of Swamp City, all of you shall forget your previous life and become one with the cuteness! I order you to pledge allegiance to your new avian overlords!"_

"I'll stop you, Milo Murphy! Mark my words, your plan shall never come to pass!" Elliot hollered. "I promise to obstruct your every move, just you wait!"

"We've been waiting for ten minutes!" Melissa complained, tapping her foot impatiently.

Elliot noticed the large crowd of elementary and middle school students waiting to crossing the street, all of them looking extremely confused at his outburst.

He turned red out of embarrassment. "Forget anything I said. I haven't had my coffee yet."

2\. _Anatidaephobia_

"I'm glad you could make it to Overcoming Your Irrational Fear of _Anys platyrhyncos_ 101!" Milo pulled a collapsible stand, many pages of poster paper, and a pointer out of his backpack.

"I can't be the Safety Czar if I'm paranoid over ducks potentially stalking me, haunting my waking hours, knowing where I live…." Elliot shivered. "I am not here because you invited me."

"Step 1. Identify your phobia," Milo pointed to an illustration of a child surrounded by grotesque monsters.

"Ducks watching me," Elliot gulped. "Those bushes look like a good place for one waiting to ambush us at any given moment."

"Step 2. Face your fears! Oh, look here come a family of ducks right now! Perfect timing, right?" Milo exclaimed.

"Isn't it too soon? Are you sure we can't just ease into it?" Elliot shrieked. Those beady eyes were following his every move, ready to strike at any time….

Milo handed him a bag of bread crumbs. "The best way to start is to feed them!"

Elliot tossed some bread crumbs on the ground in front of him. A mallard approached, waddling to the food and gobbling it up. "I guess they don't look that horrible up close."

Milo nodded. "That's the spirit!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, the mallard bit Elliot's shin, wings flapping furiously. Milo watched Elliot scream and run off, the mallard nipping at his heels the entire time.

And to think of all the progress he made in the last five minutes.

3\. _The Ugly Duckling_

"Once there was an ugly duckling. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end," Elliot closed the children's book.

The kindergarten class immediately burst into tears.

His therapist shook her head angrily. "Mr. Decker, just because you have an irrational fear of ducks does not mean you can go traumatizing children by ruining classic Mother Goose stories. I'm awfully sorry about this, Mrs. Gomez."

Mrs. Gomez sighed. "I'll have to speak with the principal and see if we can arrange more nurturing guest readers to come in."


	8. Parenting

Some focus on the parents of the main trio!

* * *

1\. _Safety_

Richard couldn't remember the exact time Melissa had become friends with Milo. But he vividly recalled picking Melissa up from elementary school, and noticing small cuts and bruises covering her limbs. On one occasion, she had a dislocated shoulder that required a sling for two weeks. Applying first aid was a skill he'd learned during training, but he always had to swallow the panic he felt when Melissa came home with wild tales of Murphy's Law.

He'd learned quickly that forbidding Melissa from hanging out with Milo was completely ineffective. The first and only time he tried it was back when she was in 3rd grade. Melissa had screamed at him until her throat was raw, refused to eat dinner that night, and wouldn't allow him in her bedroom so he could explain his reasons. In the morning, after tossing and turning on his final decision so much, he explained to Melissa that she was not banned from seeing Milo.

" _I'm sorry if I hurt you last night," he began after a long silence. Melissa still wouldn't look at him. Her head rested on one elbow, picking at her scrambled eggs without interest. "You aren't banned from seeing Milo."_

 _Her fork clattered to the ground. "Really? But I thought-"_

" _I thought wrong," Richard explained. "Sometimes adults make decisions based on fear, and forget to think about another's happiness. I want you to be safe, but I also want you to be happy."_

 _Melissa hugged him. "I'm sorry too. I'll try to be safer so you don't have to worry about me anymore!" she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling._

 _Richard smiled, then remembered a question he'd been pondering for several hours last night. "Why do you want to be friends with Milo, sweetie?"_

 _Melissa thought for a moment. "Nobody else wants to. And he's funny."_

Melissa had never been one to follow the crowd. She was a natural leader. And Richard couldn't ask for a better daughter than one who bravely defied Murphy's Law, standing by her friends the entire time.

2\. _Flannel_

Marcus examined a red flannel pattern curiously. "Eileen, what are you planning to do with all this?" he asked, hugging his wife from behind as she worked on cutting a rugged collar from the fabric.

"I thought it would be a nice surprise for Zack and his new friends," she replied, carefully setting the scissors down and leaning back into his embrace. "It's nice. Zack is finally overcoming his fears now."

Marcus nodded. "It's a wonder stage fright isn't one of them," he murmured, remembering how frightened Zack had been when he received his first goldfish. The poor boy wouldn't stop screaming until Marcus finally moved the fishbowl to their master bedroom where Zack wouldn't have to see it. "But is exposing them to the music industry a good idea at his age? You know how brutal they can be."

"There are plenty of local contests they can compete in. And Zack inherited your voice," Eileen smirked. "My Orpheus."

Marcus laughed. "Don't go stepping on snakes, now. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you were lost to the Underworld forever while I die because I wouldn't sing for a bunch of crazy women."

"You know I would just march straight to the lab and demand an antivenom," Eileen said, tracing her husband's beard with one hand.

"I know you would," Marcus replied, bending down for a passionate kiss on the lips. Eileen responded in kind, giggling as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"So what's with the flannel anyway?" Zack asked, grabbing a pudding cup from the kitchen. His parents were unaware of him watching, sharing yet another long kiss. "Never mind," Zack said as he headed back to his room. "I'll ask again when you're done cannibalizing each other."

3\. _Bedtime_

"Gotcha!" Martin scooped up Sara, who giggled as she tried to escape. "You shall never escape the hug monster! Hear me roar!"

"Mama! The hug monster's got me!" Sara shrieked as Martin carried her to bed.

"I see," Brigitte smiled. She and Milo were picking out a book for their daily bedtime story from the small children's shelf in Sara's bedroom. Quickly putting a hand out to stop the shelf from falling on Milo, she sighed in relief as several paperback books toppled to the ground away from them. "And would the hug monster care to watch his step?"

"Watch his step from what?" Martin asked. He set Sara down next to Milo. She pulled a silly face with puffed out cheeks, making Milo laugh as he went cross-eyed in his attempt to reciprocate. Martin was about to join them, but he set one foot on a roller skate and immediately crashed into the bedpost.

"Sara, what was the rule about roller skates in the house?" Brigitte asked sternly, checking Martin over for injuries. There wasn't any bruising for now.

"Um," Sara withered, picking at her monkey pajamas. "Socks, shoes, and skates give us flair and should always be in pairs but never left out cause Daddy's ligaments might tear," she mumbled. "Sorry, Daddy."

Martin rubbed his head. "It's okay, sweetie. I'm all right. So what book did you decide on, Milo?"

Milo pointed to a pop-up book of Jack and the Beanstalk. Martin grinned. "You just want me to repeat 'fee-fi-fo-fum' in funny voices, don't you?" He rubbed his forehead against Milo's, setting him on the bed. Sara flopped face first into the soft mattress, nuzzling into Martin's side. Brigitte wrapped an arm around Martin, pulling Milo into her lap.

"Jack and the Beanstalk," Martin read, opening the book.

"Begin it with once upon a time! It's not a tale without once upon a time!" Sara exclaimed. Brigitte gently shushed her.

"No, no it isn't," Martin chuckled. "Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jack…."


	9. Romance

Requested by arendalphaeagle and an anon on Tumblr. Lydia's fun to write. And there's a reference to my favorite musical. I couldn't resist.

* * *

1\. _Ask Her a Question_

"I can't do it man! What if she says no? What if her friends laugh at me? What if she turns out to be from an alien species that feasts on human appendixes?" Chad panicked.

"I'd say your chances are really good. Melissa, Amanda, and Crystal would never laugh at you. Appendixes are vestigial structures in humans, so as long as there's proper medical care nearby you should be fine," Milo replied. "Oh, and Lydia isn't one of them."

"Zack, you're a teenage heartthrob! You can teach me some funky dance moves, and teach me how to auto tune my voice!" Chad begged.

Zack raised an eyebrow. "Lydia isn't the boy band type. And you don't need those tools to ask someone to a dance."

"I've got it!" a light bulb flashed. Milo glanced up. "It was kind of dark in here. Thanks, light bulb! You've got to _ask her a ques_ -"

The door to the theater classroom opened. Zack snatched Milo's accordion and stuffed it into his backpack, hissing, "No time for a musical number! Chad, just ask her outright!" They ducked around a corner.

Lydia and her friends popped out of the theater classroom. "I can't do improv, not really my style-oh, hey Chad! Nice to see you outside History class! What's up?" Lydia exclaimed.

Chad shifted from foot to foot nervously. "H-hey, Lisa. I m-mean Lydia. I was w-wondering if it i-isn't too much t-trouble…." He took a deep breath.

"Would you like to go to the Halloween dance with me?"

They waited. Milo held his breath, his face beginning to turn blue. Milo made some incredibly weak noises, so Zack gave him a hard slap on his back to force him to release it.

Finally, Lydia exploded.

"Yes, yes, yes! Ha! I, the Lovely Lydia, have finally made the once-invincible Melissa Chase lose a bet! Cough it up, sister!" She held out her hand expectantly. Melissa groaned and forked over five dollars. "I would love to, Chad! I made a list of all the possible matching costumes I can make, so we can have the most original outfits at the dance!"

Chad grinned. "You had me worried there."

Melissa rolled her eyes, smirking. "Take a helpful tip from us girls. It never hurts to ask a question."

2\. _Secret Admirer_

"Dear Melissa, I think you're really smart," Melissa read the small heart-shaped note to Lydia and Amanda. She flipped it over. "It's not signed though."

Lydia sighed wistfully. "There is nothing more romantic than one who admires from afar, secretly yearning to divulge their utmost insecurities to the one they cherish most."

"How do you know it's romantic? It only says 'smart', not 'pretty'," Amanda said.

Lydia rolled her eyes as if the answer was obvious. "Melissa, let me see that note." She measured it with a ruler. "The small size suggests that it was written by somebody who often goes unnoticed by others."

"Rules out Milo then," Melissa said. "He doesn't know the meaning of secret."

Amanda nodded. "I doubt the note would've made it in one piece, or without tears, crumples, and burn marks if Milo had delivered it."

"That and he also likes you," Melissa mumbled.

"What was that?" Amanda tilted her head, confused.

"Nothing," Melissa said quickly, looking at the clock.

Lydia examined the color. "An interesting blend of pink and red. Pink means friendship and red means romantic love. The secret admirer is at an impasse, afraid to act on their feelings but also wanting to be closer. Perhaps they're afraid to be closer."

"Maybe it's Zack?" Melissa suggested, crossing her arms. "As a possibility of course."

"Maybe. As for the writing, the cursive penmanship is flawless. Slightly loopy like a female's, but with the flourish of a modern day John Hancock. Not nearly as big since it fits on such a small piece of paper, but my point remains. This person is obviously a meticulous note taker."

Amanda gulped. "Don't look at me. I didn't write it."

Lydia eyed her suspiciously. "And you're absolutely certain you aren't denying it to Melissa's face?"

Amanda shrank, blushing.

Melissa quickly stepped in. "Lydia, she didn't write it. It would be in her schedule if she had."

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry, Amanda," Lydia backed off.

"You're fine," Amanda said, relaxing. "So, what about the message?"

"Somewhat formal, direct, and blunt," Lydia replied, handing the note back to Melissa. "Reserved too. Points to appealing to the intellect rather than the physical looks." The bell rang for the next period. "I gotta run. See you later!" She rushed off.

"I'll never understand how she managed to get all that information out of a single sentence," Amanda said.

"Guess the secret admirer remains a secret," Melissa stuck the note in her binder, deciding to laminate it in the library after class. For all of Lydia's analyzing, she forgot to mention it was kind of sweet too.

3\. _Thirteen Going On Fourteen_

In his excitement, Milo had completely forgotten to check the weather report. As a result, he and Amanda scrambled to pack their food into the picnic basket, dashing inside the fancy gazebo in the middle of the park as heavy rain splattered everything. They couldn't salvage the blanket, the wind blowing it away instead. It covered the windshield of a minivan, the vehicle swerving as the driver lost visibility, finally crashing into a telephone pole. "Oops," Milo blushed. "I should've picked a better day for your birthday picnic."

"I was expecting the thunderstorm. It'll be gone in an hour," Amanda shrugged.

"You knew about it?" Milo gasped.

Amanda played with her hair. "Indoors isn't picnic-y enough. And I do allow myself a few surprises every now and then."

They ate in silence for a while, listening to the thunderstorm outside. The rain smacked against the glass rhythmically, while the lightning and thunder produced a grand fanfare.

"You wanna dance?" Milo asked, finishing his sandwich.

Amanda blushed. "I never learned. I took a few dance lessons when I was little, but I don't remember them."

"Then now's your chance!" Milo moved the basket out of the way to give themselves room. "Milady?" he offered his hand. Amanda took it hesitantly.

Milo stayed on the ground as Amanda perched on the wooden benches. She smiled at the dramatic height difference, allowing Milo to lead her around the perimeter of the gazebo. When they reached a gap too wide for her to jump across, Milo knelt down on one knee. Amanda carefully stepped on his leg, wobbling slightly, and safely made it to the bench on the other side. Growing in confidence, Amanda gracefully hopped across the benches, holding Milo's hand the entire time. After a few rounds, Milo attempted to pick Amanda up and spin her around. She lost her balance and fell on top of him.

They caught their breath, their faces growing warm. Helping each other up, Milo placed a hand around her waist. She braced an arm against his chest, and they began to dance in sync to an invisible rhythm. They stepped on the benches together, and Amanda thought she was beginning to get the hang of it when Milo let go of her to dance by himself. She jumped on a bench and kicked a leg out, Milo imitating her movements.

Finally, they met in the middle and twirled each other around. Amanda had never been spun so fast in her life, everything except Milo's face passing by in a dizzying blur. The momentum tore them apart. Amanda fell on a bench, breathing heavily. Her hair hung in her eyes, unkempt from her wild dancing. Milo was on the opposite side, unable to process what was happening.

Amanda stumbled to her feet, her thoughts in a haze. She bumped into something. She was so close to Milo's face. Breath hitching, she moved in the opposite direction, only to encounter Milo again. She could smell peanut butter on his breath.

Her mind was on autopilot now. Stumbling to the back of the gazebo, she once again ran into Milo. Their noses brushed. Amanda almost fell backwards from shock, but Milo grabbed her arms and pulled her forward.

The movement was too forceful, and their foreheads smacked against each other. Amanda rubbed her temples. "Not how I imagined my first kiss," she laughed, wincing in pain.

"Not how I imagined this day to go, but the important thing is we had fun!" Milo smiled.

"I had a lot of today, Milo. Thanks. My mom is taking me birthday shopping, so I'd better hurry home," Amanda said, grabbing the picnic basket.

"Okay, see you at school!" Milo turned to leave, but Amanda grabbed his arm.

"I forgot something," Amanda said. She planted a kiss on his cheek. "Bye, Milo!"

Milo stared ahead blankly. "Three, two, one," she counted as she ran.

"This was the best thunderstorm ever!"

And a birthday she would never forget.


	10. Fandom

Request from universe-queen-melissa on Tumblr.

* * *

1\. _Crisis on the Seven Seas! S.S Mummy's Curse vs S.S Neon Lights!_

"Your primitive weapons are no match for my superior blasters!"

"I summon a demon to jinx your blasters so they only shoot jelly!"

"Neon Lights shall rise again! We may be few in number, but we shall prevail against the tragedy that is Cleopatra's personality!"

"Mummy's Curse is the true winner! We actually have hints on our side! All Danielle ever does is complain about her dysfunctional family!"

"Danielle risked her life to save Time Ape from the evil clutches of Professor Yorek! And she did it with a broken leg and armed with only a taser!"

"Cleopatra had a duty to her people! Her intellect is matched by only the Man of the Past, Present, and Future!"

"Sara, Milo, I'm getting take out from that new Mexican place that opened up downtown. Is there anything you two would like?" Brigitte carefully stepped over the mess in the living room, grabbing her car keys from a table. Sara and Milo paused to allow her through.

"Extra spicy salsa please!" Sara said.

"A side of black beans too," Milo added.

"Okay, I'll be back in half an hour and Martin should be home in-wait, is that my eyeliner?" Brigitte took a closer look at Milo's face.

"I wanted to get into character," Milo replied. "It's kohl."

"Looks like a good make up job," Brigitte said. "Just promise me you'll clean all this up when Martin gets home. You know Murphy's Law flares up when he's extra exhausted." She waved, exiting through the garage door.

Sara stood up, dropping the catcher's helmet she was using as a mask. "And this concludes our monthly ship war. Let's see, four tallies for Mummy's Curse, four for Neon Lights, and ten for draw."

"Stay tuned for March's ship war, folks! An episode premiering in two weeks is going to give Mummy's Curse extra ammunition!"

2\. _Fan Mail_

"Let's see, bill, bill, fan mail, fan mail, coupon for fast food, another letter from ol' Blockhead-this one should be fun, fan mail, bill." Orton set everything down on the kitchen table, pouring himself a cup of coffee before setting aside the bills.

The first two pieces of fan mail weren't that interesting, one of them consisting of a rant about how _Adjunct Faculty Member Zone_ was the worst thing that had ever happened to the series. It wasn't his proudest moment, but the college students used as extras for that series made the work a lot more pleasant than most people assumed.

 _Ah, the third piece is from Sara Murphy,_ Orton smiled. He had a wall on his bedroom where he pinned his favorite artwork and letters from his fans. Sara Murphy had five of her letters up there so far, and several more stashed away in a box in the attic. He updated the wall every few weeks, preserving older pieces in a scrapbook.

He decided to save it for last, since he would likely need some positivity after inevitably choking on Block.

 _Dear Orton Mahlson,_

 _Consider joining the Bureau or else. I have the operatives and technology. All you have is your silly, inaccurate prime-time sitcom that undermines the potential of real time travel and mocks our scientists to no end. We will hunt you down if you continue to refuse this offer._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Mr. Block._

Orton slammed a pen on the table, deciding that his response wasn't worth killing a few trees and furiously wrote a response on the back of the same paper. That was sure to tick him off.

 _What's up Blockhead,_

 _You're looking about as handsome as a donkey who wallowed in a peat bog. I take that back. I refuse to insult donkeys when they actually do a great service for people around the globe. I will repeat this for the millionth time. I am not joining your ridiculous organization. For what purpose does it actually serve? Or are you just upset because you got all nostalgic for a bunch of nuts that went extinct? Boo-hoo. Cry me a river. Maybe you can finally replace the Nile. Oh, wait that would just cause more pollution wouldn't it?_

 _-Orton Mahlson_

He zapped the paper with his own Temporal Transporter. Amateurs. His version had a streaming option for new releases.

Now he could finally read Sara's letter in peace. Maybe this would snap him out of the funk Block always threw him in.

 _Dear Orton Mahlson,_

 _I don't think I've ever mentioned how much Dr. Zone means to me and especially my little brother, Milo. You see, Milo has a certain condition which causes people to treat him differently. Sometimes it's easy to shrug off. Other times it's not. It was more difficult back then, before Milo was old enough to handle situations on his own. As his big sis, it's my job to look out for him. Since we first discovered Dr. Zone, it opened up a lot more opportunities to spend time together as siblings and we're always look forward to new episodes. Thank you for such a wonderful show!_

 _Your biggest fan,_

 _Sara Murphy_

Orton had a new favorite letter now. And there was no better honor for his biggest fan than a spot on the refrigerator.

3\. _Contagious_

Milo stopped scratching Diogee's belly, listening to Sara groan from her bedroom. Diogee whined and pawed at Milo's hand, unhappy that his belly rub time was cut short. "Sorry, boy," Milo said, knocking on her door. "Something's wrong. Sara, can I come in please? Are you all right?"

"Coming," Sara opened her door, looking unusually cross. She was still in her pajamas, and her empty stomach probably wasn't doing her any favors either. "Hey."

"Are you sick? You skipped breakfast," Milo noticed.

"I'm sick all right. I caught the dreaded-Milo, you can take the mask off. It's not contagious. I think. I just have a really bad case of Writer's Block."

Milo tied a mask on Diogee. "I don't want him getting it either," he said, his voice muffled.

"I uploaded Chapter 17 of my shipping fic three weeks ago, and I've been trying to finish the confrontation between Professor Yorek and Danielle, but writing about infiltrating a secret, heavily-guarded facility is harder than it sounds," Sara opened the document containing the half-finished chapter, letting Milo quickly skim through it."

"Have you tried imagining it in your head?" Milo asked.

Sara shook her head. "No, I just type what comes to mind."

"Okay, how about we try this?" Milo set a Time Ape doll on the windowsill, placing a plastic container around it to act as a cage. "Professor Yorek has captured Time Ape and is holding him for ransom until Dr. Zone arrives with the loot from the Titanic? Right?" Sara nodded. Milo placed a Professor Yorek action figure on top of the plastic container. "But it's all a front to distract Dr. Zone?"

"And Danielle is torn because she was childhood friends with Yorek and watched him change after his obsession with the time stream grew. I don't know how to properly convey that and have her infiltrate the facility at the same time."

"But she also loves Dr. Zone now, so that makes it even more difficult," Milo mused. He placed a crocheted doll of Danielle next to Professor Yorek, positioning them so they were holding hands. "What if she had little reminders on her way? Remember the episode "Instrument of Sorrow" where Danielle had a flashback of her playing the glockenspiel with Yorek and he taught her his family's song?"

Sara nodded. "A musical reminder is always good. If I play that song while writing that particular part, it would probably help a whole lot. There was also the episode "Spider Lily" in which spiders were used to symbolize Yorek's growing darkness. And Danielle has arachnophobia in canon, so that would absolutely terrify her once she snaps to reality when she realizes there's a horde of man-eating spiders in the vents!"

"See you've got it!" Milo took off his mask. Diogee had long discarded his, using it as a chew toy instead. "But maybe you shouldn't write on an empty stomach. Studies prove you think better after you've had breakfast!"

Sara laughed. "You're right, little bro. I'm totally going to crush my readers' spirit after this chapter!"

"That's great! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish my fanfic too," Milo sat down at the computer in his room, opening the document, fingers poised to type. And he waited. And waited.

After ten minutes, Milo had resorted to trying to balance his pencil on his nose in an attempt to think. His eyes widened. He was right. He was right all along.

"Sara, you lied to me! Writer's Block is contagious!"


	11. Earth Day

1\. _Every Thorn Has Its Rose_

Balthazar stood proudly over his work, a garden full of blood-red roses and happy-looking Black-eyed Susans. It wasn't often he had a chance to garden, pistachio protecting taking up most of his time. Time travel never left much room for a personal life or learning new hobbies.

"Your garden looks great, Balthy!" Vinnie grinned, reaching out to touch a rose.

Balthazar pulled his arm back. "Have you never heard the phrase 'every rose has its thorns'?" he scolded. "Furthermore, I don't have the first aid kit stocked up, so if you cut yourself, how am I supposed to wrap it up?"

Vinnie stared in confusion. "I thought the phrase was 'every thorn has its rose'? Is it different in this time period?"

"I don't exactly pay attention to the origins of idioms," Balthazar replied. "All I know is that the phrase just means that even the most beautiful objects have their imperfections."

"Sounds a little too cynical for my liking," Vinnie shrugged. "If you switch the words 'rose' and 'thorn', then it could mean that there's always some beauty lying underneath all the flaws." He nudged Balthazar with a smirk. "Especially in a certain burnt marshmallow."

"What do marshmallows have to do with thorns-" then his brain caught up. He pulled his hat down to cover his reddening face.

"I think I like your interpretation better," he mumbled through the fabric.

2\. _Lights Out_

Jefferson County Middle School had forgotten to pay the electric bill, so all the lights were off and everyone was stumbling around in complete darkness. When the students complained, Principal Milder dismissed them with a "I once knew a student who didn't follow energy saving techniques on Earth Day. You wanna know what happened to him? He took a job as a garbage truck driver."

Milo was the only person in the school whose vision wasn't obstructed by the darkness, courtesy of night vision goggles. Zack and Melissa had already used up all the power on their phones, so they were completely reliant on Milo's guidance.

"Okay, heading to the band room! All aboard the Milo train!" Milo exclaimed, pulling them out of the science room. "I'll be your conductor for the day, so please keep all your hands and feet inside the train at all times so you don't get any binder scratches from passersby or bang into any lockers."

"Hey, conductor. We don't have tickets," Melissa said.

"Nah, you guys purchased the free ride. No worries!" Milo exclaimed. He spotted a light fixture hanging by a worn cable, directly above an unsuspecting let go of Melissa and Zack. "Amanda, look out!"

"Milo? Ah!" she shrieked as Milo threw his arm out in front of her. She crashed into it. "What are you doing? I've got class in four minutes!"

Milo looked back, the light finally crashing down, scattering broken glass everywhere. He gently steered Amanda around to the other side so she wouldn't step on the glass.

Amanda glanced around wildly. "What was that noise?"

"A light fixture was about to fall on you," Milo replied.

"Oh," Amanda said softly. "Well, thanks for, uh, not letting it fall on me."

"Just doing my job!" Milo said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my other job as conductor!"

Amanda giggled. "You're excused."

"Please don't let anything else happen," Zack muttered.

"Don't count on it," Melissa replied.

3\. _Don't Bottle it Up_

"Move it, people!" Melissa yelled through her megaphone. "Before the giant recyclable bottle crushes your hopes and dreams!"

A car swerved to avoid them, the driver honking angrily. "Sorry!" Zack shouted.

Milo spun uncontrollably inside the bottle. Even from a distance, Melissa could see small cuts and bruises beginning to form from all the nasty bumps.

"We need a blockade of some kind!" Melissa shouted.

As if on cue, a fire truck emerged from a side street, the bottle crashing into it. The force almost tipped the fire truck over, but it righted itself as the bottle slowly rolled to a stop.

Melissa and Zack caught up, panting heavily. Mr. Chase popped out of the driver's seat, looking incredibly confused.

Milo waved. Mr. Chase sighed in resignation, turning the cap so Milo could get out. "Was this bottle part of the 24th annual Recycling Parade?" Mr. Chase asked.

"The driver of the one of the floats asked me to be promote his recycling plant," Milo winced, rubbing his arm. "Then we hit a speed bump, and the bottle rolled out and flattened the sea turtle float, and one thing led to another. Thanks for stopping it."

"No problem," Mr. Chase said. "Do you three want a lift home?"

"No hills," Melissa cautioned.

Milo perked up, dragging an incredibly confused Zack to the fire truck. "Check out this dashboard! Look, a stick shift! You wanna see the ladder? Of course you do! Come on, Zack!"

"Try to take it easy on Zack," Melissa said, climbing in after her friends.

"No promises," Mr. Chase winked.


	12. Monkeys

Requested by arendalphaeagle on Tumblr! It took me forever to get to this one….

* * *

1\. _Monkey Phase_

Milo wasn't normally this fussy. But now he refused to wear any other pajamas besides the fuzzy monkey onesie, even though it clearly needed a wash. There were crumbs lodged all over the sleeves, and the round tan spot in the middle had a little smudge of drool. "Come on, Milo," Brigitte cooed. "No monkey pajamas tonight. These are dirty."

He crawled to the side of the crib nearest to the wall, tugging the monkey pajamas so that they rested in a crumpled heap next to him. Next he glared angrily at her, though the effect was lost when he also puffed out his cheeks. And also because babies were adorable when they tried to be mad.

"I'll give you two bananas for breakfast tomorrow, if you'll give me your pajamas," Brigitte offered. "How does that sound?"

"Ana?" Milo repeated.

"Ana," Brigitte confirmed. Milo squealed in delight, and Brigitte scooped him up in her arms, cradling him with one hand and tossing the monkey pajamas in the hamper. "I blame Martin for turning you into a little monkey. Now, do you want the pajamas with the presents or the bees?"

2\. _Monkey Business_

"Blast this infernal attic," Balthazar muttered, sneezing for the 23rd time. No, he wasn't so bored that he was counting his sneezes. Who did that? They were camped out in the attic of the Murphy residence, waiting for the family to leave for the day so they could conduct a thorough investigation. Unfortunately, the family kept forgetting the most random things and kept rushing back inside to grab them.

Maybe there would be information in the attic.

Balthazar opened a large box, a family of squirrels scolding him for disturbing their nap. "Pardon me. So sorry," he closed the flaps, leaving the box where it stood. "Dakota, help me find something I can use for proof!"

Vinnie shoved a bag of chips into his pocket and started poking around at a corner. "Chips kinda taste gross in the attic anyway. You get to take in a mouthful of dust and cobwebs while eating and-oh cool, so this is the time period where they had all those children's animal magazines! I loved looking at these when I was a kid!"

"There's not enough time-oh, never mind," Balthazar knew it was a lost cause when Vinnie picked up an issue with a photograph of a spider monkey on the front cover, flipping through the pages.

"Balthy, are you sure you don't wanna learn about New World monkeys with me?" Vinnie asked. Balthazar continued to rummage through a stamp collection, mentally noting they all seemed to be centered around historical disasters. "What if we were assigned to, I don't know, Costa Rica and we got lost in the rainforest or something. And we have to learn how to hop from tree to tree because there's a ferocious jaguar that everybody's afraid of. And we would have to avoid arrows tipped with dart frog poison. And there's probably an ancient temple somewhere. There's usually one in those kinds of settings."

A practical application. Not likely, but plausible. Setting aside the stamp collection for now, Balthazar leaned against the wall and sighed. "I suppose it's a possibility," he mused as Vinnie laid down on the floorboards, his head resting on Balthazar's stomach. He propped the magazine up on his chest.

Listening to Vinnie gush about the eating habits of capuchin monkeys was a great stress reliever.

3\. _We're Going to the Zoo and We're Gonna Get More Than We Bargained For_

"And here comes a cart full of kids, monkeys in hats, and a clown on a unicycle barreling through to make a daredevil leap through the shark infested waters that has put at least thirty-four professional stuntmen in the hospital! Huh, what? No way! Sorry folks! Correction, it was thirty-two professional stuntmen and two pharmacists."

"What do we do?" Melissa shrieked, clutching a vacuum cleaner as a lifeline as the cart hurtled uncontrollably down the ramp.

"Well, as soon as this blows over we should really get these monkeys back to their exhibit," Milo replied, watching the monkeys hoot to each other as the banana perfume the cart was coated in whipped them up into a frenzy. "The zoo staff will be using them for a kid's birthday party later."

"Monkeys, stop chasing us! Monkeys, stop chasing us!" Zack shouted. The monkeys ignored him, one latching onto an iron bar of the cart and desperately holding on as he was helplessly pulled along. Milo pulled the hitchhiking monkey up so he didn't get hit by the wheels. The monkey hugged Milo out of fright instead, covering his face with a long, hairy arm.

A shark appeared out of the water just as the cart went airborne, jaws wide open. Melissa threw down the vacuum cleaner, smacking the shark in the head. It sunk beneath the surface in pain.

Milo managed to move the arm so that he could peer out with one eye, turning pale as three more sharks appeared, bumping the bottom of the cart with their noses so that it landed on the other ramp safely. They slowly rolled to a stop, catching their breaths.

The clown was knocked out on the other side, while the monkeys around him fought over the unicycle. The monkey that was clinging to Milo let go, circling around the walkway to join the others. Workers herded them to the exit.

"On second thought, do you just want to find a balloon vendor?" Milo asked.

"Okay, but this time, I handle all communication with the woodpeckers," Zack said.


	13. Red

_wiz-witch on Tumblr is rubbing off on me with the angst AUs._

* * *

1\. _In a Different World_

It had been a long time since Sara had seen a blue sky. She remembered happier times, a memory in which she and Daddy had borrowed a science book from the public library. From that book, she had learned the sky was blue because of oxygen. The plants took in carbon dioxide and released oxygen in a complicated exchange.

Maybe it was the lack of plants that had caused the red sky. The few trees she had seen were lifeless and dull, a heavy gray chain with the initial "D" choking the poor things.

Perhaps it was the factories polluting the air that had caused the red sky. The ones where all those deemed working age were taken and forced to mass produce Normbots and things that inflated their friendly local dictator's ego.

Sara pressed on. She couldn't wait to see a blue sky anymore.

2\. _No Matter What You Choose_

She had choices. But she had no choice at all.

It would end in death for someone. The question is...

 _Who?_

She'd been too reckless. She was too blinded by her ideals.

She wanted her family whole again. And she stormed in alone.

Armed with only a blaster. No backup.

She'd known the Resistance wouldn't support her decision. So she said nothing.

And she would pay. He would pay.

Lava or Milo. Both were ready for her death.

One to burn her and leave no trace. One who was robbed of his childhood.

He'd been happy once. And now it was gone.

One eye is gone, replaced by cold red metal. Everything was stolen.

He'd stolen everything. Her life, her happiness, her family...

She did the only thing she could. She attacked his face.

Glass shattered as she pummeled the screen. She didn't care anymore.

Her palms became bloodied. She didn't care.

He screamed at his minions to take her out. Didn't care.

They closed in. Didn't care.

But Milo did. And somehow he reached out to her.

3\. _Thicker Than Water_

Sara had cried when Daddy left for work the day after Doofenshmirtz's takeover. She had watched him lift the hook of his collar so that it caught on the bus. She'd seen him get dragged down the street along with a dozen other men gagged in a similar fashion.

Sara had cried when the Normbot came to their house and confiscated the entire family's clothes. Her favorite shirt torn in two. Milo's monkey pajamas. Burned to ashes. The prom dress which Mama had promised she'd pass on to Sara when she was old enough. Crumpled and thrown into a bin so the precious metal which adorned the hem could be used for evil.

Sara had cried when Doofenshmirtz himself visited. " _What kind of despot would I be if I didn't show up to terrify my subjects periodically?" he said. "Now, about your boy..."_

Then Milo was gone.

That was when Sara joined the Resistance. Something about utilizing Murphy's Law. There had been a target on their backs since the first days of the dictatorship. The world was dangerous enough for Milo.

But now he could never carry on with a bright smile. He would never have friends to pick him up when he was sad, or to share in his joy when he got a new toy.

And she cried to the angry red sky.

Milo saved her life.

But she didn't save his.


	14. Teachers

1\. _The Desk_

There were several things that set Mrs. Murawski off. Fire, chemical spills, Kyle Drako hogging the teachers' lounge computer to watch baby bat videos...

And the two men who were insisting that they needed to inspect her desk to make sure it was up to par with company guidelines. "Take it up with Principal Milder," she growled, standing protectively in front of Oakley (yes, she named it. Named him. It-him?). "The school paid for this desk. I don't actually own him."

The taller of the two men frowned. "Him?"

"Oakley, my desk," Mrs. Murawski said. "Call him an 'it' and I'll judo chop you to ribbons."

"She named him?" the other one asked, bewildered. "Hey, I think this must be the same classroom where we got attacked by the sentient blob. I didn't even know they taught middle schoolers how to create those things, considering how it's classified as a Rank B under the Dangerous Evolving Mut-oomph!" He was cut off by his colleague, who'd grabbed him by the arm and yanked him down the hallway.

He was scolded all the way down, and Mrs. Murawski couldn't help but listen in. "You can't just spurt that information willy-nilly! You'll blow our cover! How else are we supposed to gain valuable information on the counteragent if we can't figure out his schedule?"

She closed the door of her classroom, sighing. "They get crazier and crazier every year." Lovingly stroking the polished wood paneling, she opened a pack of wet wipes and started cleaning one of the legs. "No man can possibly compare to you, Oakley."

2\. _Debate_

The class was completely immersed in the debate. Drako couldn't possibly have been more proud to help teach a new generation how to passionately defend their sides. As usual, there were many students who spoke once or twice just to have the minimum participation grade, but all of them were listening intently or waiting for an opening so they could help add a new point.

"Vampires are vampires 24/7," Chad explained. "They don't need to wait for the full moon. They can just go out and suck an unsuspecting maiden's blood!"

Melissa stood up to give her point. "Both vampires and werewolves are creatures of the night. Unlike vampires, werewolves face no danger from sunlight. Also, werewolves aren't completely reliant on one source of sustenance. They're free to hunt in the forest, or terrorize a village. They may require a little more meat than a normal person in the daytime, but are ultimately not dependent on human blood."

"There are ten minutes before the bell," Drako announced. "Let's wrap it up."

Chad's side fell silent as they tried to combat Melissa's point about dietary needs. Surprisingly, it was Amanda who delivered the conclusion of her side. "I just wanted to add that petting animals relieves stress, and in some works there are werewolves who don't lose their mind during the full moon. The bigger the animal, the more fur there is to pet, and the less anxiety you'll have afterward."

The bell rang, and Drako dismissed the class. As soon as everyone left, he shook his head. "At least vampires are immortal."

3\. _Who Hires These Subs Anyway?_

"I'm all right, guys!" Milo shouted, hoping to reassure his class from the giant golem that had been formed by a combination of igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic rock. It was now on a rampage downtown, almost squashing Elliot under its giant foot. "Well, you know what they say. Impromptu field trips are the best kinds of field trips."

Milo leaned his elbow on a rocky thumb, wondering if it was possible to persuade the golem to scale the tallest skyscraper in the city. That always looked cool in movies.

"Why is that when you people go, 'you know what they say', you always make up a sentence that literally nobody says?" Zack yelled back, trying and failing to lasso the golem's massive arm with a rope.

As they passed by a water tower, a hovercar zoomed out of nowhere. The driver, a small teal platypus, threw his fedora at it, releasing a hidden buzzsaw which cut through the metal. Water gushed out of the hole, soaking the golem and Milo, as well as the entire class.

The golem eroded away, and Milo easily slipped out from beneath the crumbling fingers. The hovercar caught Milo as he fell and brought him safely to the ground. "Milo!" Melissa exclaimed. "Are you all right? How does this rank on your kidnapped by monsters list?"

"It's above the Mothman when we vacationed in Oregon, but below the time we were trapped in a haunted house overnight and had to deal with that creepy organist," Milo replied. The rest of the class expressed relief at a safe distance, surprised when the platypus glared angrily up at their substitute teacher. He tapped a webbed foot and crossed his arms, as if waiting for a good explanation.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz scowled. "Boy, you trick out the class supply of rock tumblers and accidentally create a golem that kidnaps a student and potentially cost millions of dollars in property damage and suddenly everyone thinks you've defected back to evil."

* * *

 _I think it's pretty obvious I favor werewolves._


	15. Timeshift: China

_Anyone remember the timeshift episodes for PnF?_

* * *

1\. _Training Montage! Work Hard, Everybody!_

"Oh my gosh! Zack, are you okay?" Milo rushed down to the river, tossing aside the heavy bags he'd been straining under for the past hour. Sara and Melissa helped Milo drag him to the riverbank.

Zack moaned, clutching his cheek. There was a large, red circular imprint on his skin from where the end of the log had struck him. "Can I get the print of the caravan that hit me?"

Master Perry reached into the folds of his robe, pulling out a spider. Then he dangled it in front of Zack's face. He screamed. "I'm fine! I'm fine! Just get that spider away from me!"

Raising his eyebrow, Master Perry instructed them to lay down on a nearby bench. Sara's legs dangled in the air, quivering as she raised her head to see what was going on. "Um, guys and gal," she chuckled, a bead of sweat trailing down her face. "On a scale from one to ten, how ticklish are you?"

"Not that ticklish," Melissa said. "Why?"

"Because someone's gonna get hurt when I start ki-ah, oh no, nononono! Don't! Hahaha!" Sara's speech devolved into incoherent screams as she flailed around, punching Zack on his uninjured cheek. He yelped and flailed to his other side, knocking Milo to the ground.

Master Perry withdrew the feather he was using to tickle Sara's bare feet, shaking his head in disapproval. Sara continued laughing, unaware that the tickle torture was over.

Melissa placed both arms under her head, not twitching even as she felt a light brush on her right foot. "Maybe we could get Blockhead the Conqueror to laugh himself into submission if we aren't going to be professional about this."

2\. _Department of Redundancy Department_

Sara spread their large map on the ground, placing rocks around the corners so it didn't blow away in the wind. "Here's our route to the palace to ask Regent Monogram for assistance in defeating Block the Conqueror," she said, tapping a forested area with a stick. "Currently we are camping in the Spooky Forest of Spookiness, tomorrow we'll be passing through the Abundant Rice Paddies of Abundantness, so we should probably take the opportunity to see if any kind farmers can spare food, and then we'll have to walk four miles along the Great Wall-"

"Let me guess, the Great Wall of Greatness," Zack said.

"No, actually it's just the Great Wall," Sara replied. "Walk four miles along the Great Wall to get to the palace."

Milo and Melissa looked up from their game of Mancala. "I heard that once they were through building it, we'd be able to see it from space! Do you think Master Perry would let us borrow his spaceship so we could go?" Milo exclaimed. He flipped the board over by accident. "Whoops."

Melissa placed all the pieces into a small pouch. "No worries. I had a big lead anyway."

"After Block gets blocked, I propose that we rename everything that has a horrible name right now," Zack said.

"Calling dibs!" Melissa pointed to the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness. "I'm going to call this one Mt. Melissa!"

Zack rolled his eyes. "You can't just name stuff after yourself!"

"Alliteration's better than redundancy!"

3\. _Block the Conqueror vs the Enemy_

"And then she said 'the only girl who'll love me is my mother'!" Block complained. "The nerve! And I almost had her begging for mercy on my sword! Where did I go wrong?"

Orton raised an eyebrow, carefully placing his quill back in the inkwell. "When you decided pillaging land was a viable career option. Have you considered changing your name to something a little more-how shall I put this delicately-less stupid and easy to make fun of so that it strikes fear into the heart of people everywhere? I think the Moonslayer has quite the ring to it."

"Whatever," Block muttered. "I'm gonna go yell at some men to clear my mood." He stomped out of the tent.

Orton proudly held up his caricature of Block, signing his name in a corner. "After today's humiliating defeat, I think this oughta raise everyone's morale."


	16. Timeshift: 1914

_One of these days I'm gonna run out of states. Since Phineas and Ferb and the Temple of Juatchadoon replaces the titular characters' first names with US states, I'm doing the same here._

* * *

1\. _State Your Business_

"I am under no obligation to tell you the whereabouts of the Time Pistachio, ma'am," South Dakota hissed, slamming his drink down in frustration when Carolina wouldn't leave him alone. "Aren't there men in this backwater city you young ladies like to swoon over?"

Carolina crossed her arms. "The Dakotas are the only family in the New World with knowledge of the Time Pistachio's location. Let me tell you, I've come across cryptids, sideshow circuses, and the Eye of Gotchanose, but the Time Pistachio is unlike anything we've ever faced before. But with the Compass of the Four Winds, all I have to do is-" she felt around in her satchel, coming up empty. "-Montana! Where's the Compass of the Four Winds?"

"We lost it while hunting for Mom's necklace in the Dead Sea," Montana replied. "But on the bright side, the salt levels were high enough to keep me afloat when my life jacket malfunctioned!"

South Dakota scoffed. "Some bold explorer you are if you can't keep track of these oh-so rare and mystical artifacts. And North Dakota is my partner. Not my husband."

"Sure you aren't," Carolina drawled.

There was a clattering from the front door as another man entered the house, several heavy bags from the local market weighing him down. "Sorry about all that, Carolina Murphy," North Dakota grinned. "I just think the legend of the Time Pistachio would be best discussed over dinner. Has my husband been giving you grief?"

"You already agreed to tell her?" South Dakota asked.

"Yes, and don't listen to him when's he's all grouchy like this," North Dakota winked. "After all, I'm the only one who knows-"

"Where the Time Pistachio is?" Montana interrupted, too excited about a new adventure to pay attention to manners.

"Actually I was gonna say I'm the only one who knows about Balthy here begging for a legal name change to Dakota. But yes to your question too."

2\. _The Temple of the Zonians_

"The Zonians depicted their king of the gods with three heads, one in the past, present, and future," Carolina said, studying the pictures on the base of the temple. One panel showed the creation of the world according to Zonian mythology, an explosion that led to the creation of Zone and a multi-eyed blob, later given form as the Time Ape.

"Race you to the top!" Montana shouted, and taking the steps two at a time.

Carolina didn't follow, expecting something to happen since ancient people usually employed plenty of defensive measures against intruders. Before Montana made it halfway up, the stairs slowly receded out and became a rough, clay slide. Montana tumbled down, landing roughly at the bottom. "Guess we have to find another way in," Carolina mused.

Thirty minutes later, they still hadn't found a way in. So far the only danger seemed to be from dying of frustration. They'd tried looking for air ducts, secret passageways, and even the age old but completely ineffective method of using spoons to dig their way in.

Carolina groaned. "What? Am I supposed to just say open sesame and be expected to let in, you stupid temple?"

All one hundred eyes on the temple's exterior glowed brightly, and a panel slid open, beckoning them to explore the unknown.

"I didn't expect that to work," Carolina said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Oh, well. Now, what was that phrase you were saying on your way here? That the last one to the Time Pistachio is a rotten, foul smelling, yellow spotted egg? Cause you're about to eat my dust, little bro!"

"Bring it!" Montana exclaimed. "Loser has to wash the winner's laundry for a month!"

3\. _Dramatic Speech_

After dodging venomous creatures, pillars of fire, crazy cat ladies, and blowdarts, they made it into the final room of the temple with only slightly singed clothes. Towards the back, a large pistachio was propped up by support beams. Carolina ran her hand along the shell, peering into the crack to get a peek of the green nut inside. She stepped back to let Montana have a peek.

Montana stared at the Time Pistachio in awe. "Is this the part where we give a really dramatic speech and hope no bad guys try to steal the Time Pistachio under our noses?"

Carolina raised her arms to behold the glory of the Time Pistachio. "We are the first since the Zonians to witness the beauty of an oversized green nut. The legend we've heard speaks wonders of the power it possesses. It can give us a glimpse of the past, present, and future. It allows to see our dreams, our fears, our hopes. And we can't wait to show the rest of the world!"

Montana clapped, and Carolina bowed, sweeping her hat off in a graceful motion. "Way to go, sis!"

"Thanks," Carolina grinned. "I'm thinking next time we have a little dramatic lighting. And maybe some choreography too. We could duet with chorus girls in the background! Now, you try your hand at the dramatic speech! Remember, when you discover an artifact lost to the mists of time, it's important to speak from the heart."

"Okay, I'll do my best!" Montana nodded. "We've wandered through the jungle for eons, never having to eat. We were at the mercy of the monkeys, forced to live off grubs and berries until we heard about the miracles the Time Pistachio gives! And now, we've found it! Be a window to times long gone, help us in the present, and provide a foundation for generations to come!"

Carolina whistled. "Great job!"

Leaning against the wall, Montana grinned. "All in a day's work." A switch clicked behind him.

"SELF-DESTRUCT ACTIVATED. YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES AND COUNTING BEFORE YOU DIE AN AGONIZING DEATH," a voice boomed.

"Of course, there's always the part where the temple collapses. But hey, good thing the Time Pistachio can shrink to travel size for those it deems worthy!" Carolina said, picking up the shrinking pistachio. "Now let's get out of here!"

They high-fived as they dodged collapsing beams and malfunctioning traps. "I hope the next temple will be as awesome as this!" Montana said. "Though I don't think anything will top Zonian mythology."


	17. Dr Zone

_These are all drabbles posted on Tumblr but not on here._

* * *

1\. _The Lobster Replacement_

"So I've had this stuffed lobster in my backpack for a month now and I should probably give it to someone who might actually cherish yet," Kris said, shaking a small brown lobster.

Sara instantly hugged the stuffed crustacean. "I'm taking him. He is mine, and I will love him forever. Also, I'm naming him Larry."

Kris smirked. "You named your stuffed poodle Georgette. You named all your Littlest Pet Monkeys after Dr. Zone characters. And now we can finally add Larry the Lobster to the list."

"Have you seen Wally?" Sara asked. "He wasn't in history earlier."

"He's down with the flu," Kris said. "I almost wish I could catch it too. Then I could rewatch Season 3 so I can record all the symbolism with the hourglass. I've been getting a ton of messages asking why I haven't updated the symbolism page of my blog. People need to be more patient."

Sara plopped Larry on the table where Wally normally sat, then pushed a pencil into his claws, sliding lined paper underneath him. "He's Wally's replacement now."

"Hey, Larry," Kris said. "Did you watch the latest episode yet? Cause I know you're going to flip when they confirm the Time Bee-hicle's sentience."

"Wha?" Sara gasped, shaking Larry in an imitation of Wally. "Kris, how many times do I have to remind you not to spoil stuff? And no, I haven't made that role play account yet because I'm too lazy to do that but not too lazy to devote my entire Zonian lifestyle to shipping charts!"

Kris snickered, her pencil shaking as she tried to sketch the outline of a bird.

"Oh, and I've hijacked your friend's life. I've stashed him in a lobster tank in an undisclosed location so he can feel what my species has to endure in your fancy seafood restaurants," Sara said in a deep voice.

"Sara! Kris!" the teacher barked. "I'm trying to explain this technique! Kindly put that lobster down and pay attention!"

Sara quickly dropped Larry and copied the bullet points on the powerpoint. Kris was unfazed. "We are geniuses," she said.

 _2\. Dr. Zone Monopoly_

"Yes, and that's another Time Portal under my belt!" Kris exclaimed. "I hold the monopoly over the time-space continuum now, suckers!" She added the final Time Portal to her other properties, ordered based on position on the board.

Sara smirked. "Bring it on, sister!" While she had the most money, her cards all leaned on the inexpensive side. She needed one more light blue before she could start investing in Time Crystals. She would let Kris win this game as soon as the Trashcandroid Queen finally succeeded in killing Dr. Zone.

"Aw man," Wally groaned. He hit the "Go to Dungeon" space and moved his piece, Time Ape, to the Dungeon of Doomtropolis. "This is the fourth time!"

Milo, who'd been knocked out early in the game due to an unfortunate combination of landing on other players' properties and a series of bad Chest of Infinite Wisdom draws, patted Wally on the back. "Look on the bright side. You get another chance at getting the jackpot!"

Nobody had landed on the jackpot the entire game. As a result, there was at least 800 in play money up for grabs.

"Too bad, Wally," Kris laughed. "The guards of Doomtropolis gave even Dr. Zone a hard time. Time Ape doesn't stand a chance against them!"

"Kris, Kris, Kris," Sara tutted as she threw the dice. "As always, you underestimate your opponents. Not a smart move in a game that combines strategy and luck to ruthlessly crush your friends in a competitive market. And, oh come on! Curse these rolls all the way to Florvarka!"

"Fork it," Kris held out her hand. "The Village of Wailing Axolotls needs the money to fund their militia."

Sara growled as she gave up yet another 300 to Kris. "That's it. I release the entire guard of Doomtropolis to seize all of Kris' property! Wally, you're a free man."

"I have no idea if we're playing Monopoly or role-playing," Wally sighed. The girls had built mini forts out of the pieces and were now shooting dice to knock them down. "The dungeons aren't looking so bad now."

"I command the Victorious Twins to attack the left perimeter of your shoddy castle!" Kris shouted, slamming statuettes on the table.

"Oh, well that's too bad! The empty left perimeter was simply a diversionary tactic! And Dr. Zone rides the Hassian Hound to victory!" Sara exclaimed. Diogee hopped up on the table, startling Kris. He proceeded to scatter the fort all over the floor and table.

Milo slid Wally a can of soda, which he gulped down. "Is she always like this?" he asked.

Milo chuckled. "Never played a game of Mario Party with Sara, have you? I promise you will learn to never underestimate mushrooms again."

3\. _In the Zone_

"Ugh. I finally got through all this exposition," Sara muttered, spinning around in her desk chair. "I'm no good at naming sci-fi technology." She saved her fanfiction, then clicked the button a few more times to be absolutely sure it saved. You could never be too sure when a power outage was going to happen after all.

Before she turned in for the night, she decided to do a quick check of the Zonian Bee, the largest Dr. Zone fansite that contained all the information she could possibly hope for. The familiar brown and red background popped up, and she scrolled down to the first post, which was just a dubstep remix of the theme song.

It was okay. Not as amazing as some of the other mixes she'd heard, but okay.

The second post caught her eye, a beautiful piece of digital art that was inspired by one of the most popular fanfics in the entire fandom. And it wound up on the Zonian Bee, the highest honor a Zonian could ask for. She put it into her favorites and left a small compliment in the comments, then returned to the home page.

Sara stifled a gasp on the third post. "Oh. My. Gosh. Why? Why would you do this? Like, I know this is a popular topic and all but no. You can't hurt them like this," she whispered frantically. She took a deep breath, smiling so wide it hurt her mouth. "Course there's always a chance it's fake. I mean, there was that incident around the time of the first season finale where a fake screencap made everyone think Professor Phosphadi killed the Trashcandroid Queen. It's gotta be one of those. Totally gonna be one of those."

A quick Google search revealed that it was not fake. A confirmation on Orton Mahlson's social media was all she needed to confirm her worst fear. She screamed Milo's name.

Not even thirty seconds later, Milo burst into her room, knocking his elbow against the doorframe. He barely flinched, instead staring in confusion at her when her eyes bore into the wall behind him. She saw nothing but pain. And death. And heartbreak in the future.

"Bringing a special episode to you on Thanksgiving!" Milo read. "Hey, that's a few weeks away! You can finally get more material to play around with now!"

"Read the rest of it," Sara ground out.

"Episode 100: The Scythe of Chronos," Milo whispered. "Oh no. All of Dr. Zone's hallucinations of Chronos are gonna come to a head here, aren't they?"

Sara sank on her bed, gently moving her Dr. Zone plushie aside. "As much as I'm glad for the hiatus to be over, a few weeks isn't enough emotional prep time. What kind of messed up world are we living in where you'd put in Chronos, one of the most charismatic and terrifying villains in the entire franchise, directly after the confirmation of Time Ape being Dr. Zone's brother?"

"I wanna see them being bros," Milo added sadly.

"Me too, little bro," Sara said. "Me too."


	18. Daddy Pistachion

_I love King Pistachion so much. He's a good evil daddy!_

* * *

1\. _Road Trip_

Traveling through the time-space continuum was a breeze. Traveling trough the time-space continuum with two five-year olds in tow? Not so much.

"Ow, that hurts, Rowan!" Rose complained, baring her sharp teeth at her brother.

"No punchbacks!" Rowan cackled.

Pistachion felt his eye twitch. Just another three hours to go before they hit the 13th century to meet up with Quincy, who ruled medieval England with an iron branch. He'd invited them out for a family picnic in the countryside, begging his dad to bring Rose and Rowan because he hadn't seen them in several months.

"New game, my little sprouts," he called. "It's called Quiet. Whoever is quiet the longest gets to pick the village we ransack after we eat."

Checking the mirror, Pistachion was pleased to see that Rose had puffed out her cheeks, forming a bubble. Rowan twiddled his thumbs as he stared out the window.

Thirty minutes later and there still wasn't a single peep-

"Daddy! I'm hungry! Can we steal a sheep?"

"I want goat!"

"Sheep!"

"Goat!"

Pistachon sighed. It had been nice while it lasted...

2\. _Teething Problems_

"Welcome! I invite all you pathetic humans to grovel at my roots! You have trampled us, uprooted us, and sprayed us with disgusting chemicals and now we shall-Astrid, what are you doing? Take those out of your mouth!"

Pistachion rushed over from the podium, gently picking her up and taking the cables out of her mouth, dropping them on the floor. He debated handing her over to one of his older children to look after, but they were acting as his security for this event. They wouldn't be able to fight off lumberjacks and gardeners with a baby in their branches.

He would have to hold her.

"-and now we shall turn the tides on you! Submit now before I unleash my children on your residences! Now, my list of demands. First, Astrid, don't gum up Daddy's microphone!"

A loud screech rang throughout the stage. Astrid clapped her hands around her head and burrowed into the foliage around his neck. He bounced her up and down so she didn't cry right then and there.

"Hey sapling," Pistachion cooed, tickling her with a finger. "Daddy's trying to give an evil speech. Be good, okay?"

Astrid giggled, then climbed on his shoulder so she could gnaw on his shell instead.

"Well, that does it," Pistachion declared. "Jerry, wrap things up here. I need to go find a baby store. I refuse to be a chewing toy and a conqueror at the same time."

3\. _Find a Pet_

The rest of his children were too concerned with terrorizing the humans and studying past adventures to even want a pet. Only Olivia had been begging him for the past few weeks to let her have one. She was seven, too young to partake in any raids but past the age for learning the basics.

The issue was deciding on a suitable pet. Dogs were too messy. Cats would claw up their bark. Birds would chirp at all hours of the day. Rabbits would just gnaw on their roots.

What about a fish? Fish were limited to the water. The tank would need to be cleaned periodically, but were easy enough to handle.

"You can get a fish," Pistachion explained. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he snapped at the sales associate, who cowered behind a desk. "Show my daughter the fish at once! I've got a siege scheduled at two, so don't be all day about it."

Olivia bounced on her toes, following the trembling sales associate to the fish section, where she squealed in delight, only to frown. "They're all so cute, but I don't know which one to get."

"Well, I am the king," Pistachion said. "We'll just take every tank you have."

"Thank you! Thank you!" Olivia shrieked, hugging his leg. He bent down briefly to return the hug, before straightening up to his full height.

"Human! My sons will be here shortly to help transport the fish tanks and supplies to their new home in the future!" He flicked a finger lazily, pinning the worker to the wall by dozens of branches that sprung from the floor. She twisted her limbs as she struggled to get free from the thicket, screaming. "Relax. They will be given strict orders to not loot the store until after Olivia has everything. Thank you for your time."


	19. Music

_I think we're long overdue for a new His World chapter._

* * *

1\. _Serenade_

"There's a girl I know whose name isn't Sandra,

She isn't a blonde like Kendra,

Nor is she as tall as Melinda,

But she's perfect and I'm talkin' about you, Amanda!"

Milo promptly passed out under her window, his accordion still attached to a strap around his neck. His Shakespearian cap was carried off by the wind, hitting the windshield of a passing car, which swerved and slammed into a brick mailbox.

Amanda rushed outside, setting the heavy accordion aside and dragging Milo into the house. She sighed as she left him in the living room, finding a small towel to use as a wet cloth.

"I appreciate the gesture, Milo," Amanda said as she laid the cloth across his head. "But maybe you should be sure the weather isn't 95 degrees Fahrenheit first."

2\. _Chopping Away at the Creativity_

"Angry fanmail, angry fanmail, coupon for that milkshake place down by the wharf, that's the only thing worth keeping..." Max muttered, tearing up the first bag of fanmail they'd received since Zack had abandoned the group.

"So what's gonna happen now?" Sean asked. Lyle and Melvin tapped away at their phones. If they were worried about the future of the group, they were good at not displaying it.

Max gestured to himself. "We need a new lead. And since I was second in command, I'm now the leader of the former ragtag group of the Lumberzacks. Which will be called Lumbermax from this day on. Someone tweet it now. This needs to be made official as soon as possible."

Melvin raised his hand. "I've already started posting it on every major social media site. Hasn't been ten minutes and I'm already feeling the flames."

"Ignore the haters, Max," Max said. "We need a new image. If our fans don't like it, it's their loss."

"But you're Max," Melvin complained.

"I'm not the only Max anymore," Max replied. "Anyway, my name is just Max. Sean, your name is Maxwell. Melvin, yours is Maximillian, and Lyle, I'm calling you Maximo. However, for branding and convenience purposes, we'll be shortening it all to Max. Any questions?"

Nobody objected. Max nodded in approval. "Good. Now, we should start coming up with a new single. Since Zack used to handle the songwriting, I will take on that duty in his absence. Now, someone call up the record company and tell them to change 'chop' to 'saw', since it's easier than coming up with a new song."

3\. _The Dr. Zone Files Theme Extended Cover (Collab with Zonian4life and Rubbishdroid)_

"Take Five," Kris said. "And remember Wally, the line is 'Time for trouble on the double', not 'Time to bubble for toil and trouble'."

Wally frowned. "Well excuse me for going to see Macbeth last weekend. I needed to do some research."

"How's your English project going by the way?" Sara asked. "I've been putting off mine for two weeks now."

"It wasn't for the English project," Wally said. "I needed to look at the clothing so I can be historically accurate for my AU."

"Okay, let's try this again. Everyone quiet!" Kris said, hitting the play button. An instrumental version of the theme song started up.

"It's time for danger, time for action-"

"Ah!" Sara yelped.

Kris slammed the stop button, whirling around in her chair. "What?" she yelled.

Sara laughed sheepishly, setting a cup of lemonade aside and dabbing at her shirt with a napkin. "I spilled my drink on myself. Guess I shouldn't have tried to sneak it in between the opening notes and the first line."

Kris groaned and slammed her head on her desk. "Take Six. Please don't screw up this time."


	20. Testing, Testing

_I deeply apologize. For the life of me I can't come up with a good sentence in the first story so I just mashed it all together. The second one is based on a true story._

* * *

1\. _I Possess Diminutive Proficiency Over Comprehension of this Description_

"Analyze the connotation of the diction through identifying imagery and metaphors throughout the novel," Bradley recited.

"What does that mean?" Mort asked.

Bradley shrugged. "Ask whoever wrote it, because I have no idea."

"Don't tell me you people actually tried to answer the question!" Lydia exclaimed.

Zack raised an eyebrow. "That's kind of the point of tests, Lydia. You write down nonsense, try to cheat so your handwriting is bigger than it really is, and pray to the test gods that they'll have mercy on your soul."

He wasn't going to mention that he'd given up halfway through and his paper resembled chicken scratch because he'd kept crossing words out. He got off lucky, since Milo's test was completely illegible due to chicken scratch.

Said chickens were running amok somewhere in the science hall.

Lydia waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, I got bored and started comparing and contrasting the human and llama versions of Hamilton instead. Think they'll give me points in creativity?"

Melissa coughed into her hand. "Theater kids..."

 _2\. Since When Does Anyone Actually Follow That Rule?_

"Oh, that's easy! Remember how in Episode 41 of Professor Zone when he accidentally transports the entire class into ancient Rome and they mention the trade routes with the Han Dynasty?" Sara asked as she and Kris leaned against the hood of a car as they waited for the fire drill to end.

"I didn't really keep up with Professor Zone that much," Kris admitted. "After the Football Rivalry arc, it seemed like they cast Time Ape to the side all the time. But yeah, that's the only the question I got stumped on! Thanks!"

"No prob!" Sara exclaimed. They talked about Dr. Zone for the rest of the fire drill, then took their seats in the classroom to continue the multiple choice portion of their test.

Then the proctor broke the bad news to them.

"I won't single anyone out since you know who you are, but a retest will be scheduled at a date later this month because some of you decided to talk about the test. In the future, remember that sharing questions is strictly forbidden."

Sara shrank in her seat, resisting the urge to groan about the unfairness of it all. She didn't think anyone would actually enforce that rule...

Maybe Dr. Zone was right about the students being bugged in the public school system.

 _3\. What Time Is it?_

It was 9 am when the test was passed out, Amanda noted. 9:07 am when Milo broke three pencils and was sharpening a fourth.

It was 9:32 am when Amanda completed the test. Unfortunately, the school designated the entire school day for testing and no new lessons could be taught. And the test was only 25 questions about vocabulary! Honestly.

She was satisfied with the Scantron at 9:44 am. Everything perfectly shaded with no stray marks. Just the way she liked it.

9:48 am when the teacher picked up her test. She was bored now. Couldn't even open a book because somehow that qualified as cheating.

9:57 am when the last test was picked up. She was getting a kick out of watching Milo trying to balance a pen on his nose. He'd forgotten to retract the tip and there were little blue squiggles under his eyes. She giggled.

10:01 am. They still weren't allowed to talk. Amanda put her head down. Maybe she could take a midday siesta.

The midday siesta wasn't good for her neck, she realized at 10:06 am. Was it at least time for lunch?

Of course not.

10:14 am. Milo had gotten up to grab a tissue and managed to knock a globe over, which fell to the ground with a loud crash. The hall monitor peeked in, berating the class for being so noisy.

10:17 am. Bradley was sulking again. He did seem to brighten when Melissa threw a paper airplane in his direction.

10:20 am. Amanda decided to take Lydia's suggestion and hang out in the auditorium after lunch. Granted, they weren't supposed to be there, but it was better than being stuck in the classroom.

10:21 am. Lunchtime couldn't come fast enough.

10:22 am. She had nothing better to do but watch the clock.

10:23 am. Now the hands were just being a jerk.

10:24 am. The only clock broke and they weren't allowed to use their phones. Amanda decided to invest in a watch.

10 something. Still no lunch bell.

And they still weren't allowed to talk.


	21. Cargo Ship

_No I will not put the gang on a literal cargo ship they did that in The Llama Incident already. The Cargo Ship trope is when a character is shipped with an inanimate object._

 _There are references to Backwards to School Night and Some Like it Yacht so just a warning if you want to see the episodes first before reading._

* * *

1\. _Introducing a Friend_

Mrs. Murawski patted the wooden chair she'd spent the entire weekend smoothing out (her classes were used to never getting tests back on the dates she promised anyway). She hoped Oakley would like his new friend. The poor dear always got lonely when the school locked up for the night and on holidays.

It was a shame Oakley couldn't fit into her car so she could take him home. He would've loved the fresh forest smell of her study.

She unlocked the door of her classroom, carefully wheeling the wooden chair inside. "Hello, Oakley," she purred, running her finger up his leg. "Miss me, big guy? Of course you did. I have a surprise for you."

She wheeled the chair behind him, grinning. "Oakley, meet Annie. Annie, meet Oakley. Oh, and Annie, sweetie, if you try to steal Oakley from me I will personally take you to the chainsaw and feed your remains to the woodpeckers."

2\. _How to Mourn an Inanimate Object For Socially Awkward Boys_

"I will never love again," Bradley groaned. "The way her levers shone in between my fingers, the gentle curve of her pink swirls, how her cold exterior hid a creamy, delicious delicacy..."

Good thing it was her free period.

"Your romance was short-lived, huh?" Mrs. Murawski asked. She'd debated taking Oakley along, but it was for the best that he had remained at the school. Otherwise he probably would've ended up as tribute.

"She was too beautiful for this cruel, unforgiving world," Bradley slammed his head on his desk, his angsty love poem crumpled in his hand. "Carla! Please come back!"

"You really loved her," Mrs. Murawski said softly. "I can't imagine what I'd do without Oakley myself. I don't imagine I'd ever love another desk. Not even if it was made out of the most expensive mahogany. Tell me, what do you think Carla would want?"

Bradley sniffed. "For me to enjoy an ice cream cone. But I can't even look at dessert right now. They all remind me of her."

She offered a tiny smile. "These things take time. Maybe you won't be able to eat dessert today, tomorrow, or even next week. And that's fine. I'm sure Carla would understand. One day, you'll be able to do these things again."

"You really think so?" Bradley asked.

"I know so," Mrs. Murawski nodded, then flinched when she spotted Bradley's fingers covered in tears and ink stains. "I'll come over with the tissue box. Please don't touch Oakley with those hands."

3\. _Backpack Always Has My Back_

Mrs. Murawski was on her way to the teachers' lounge when a display of posterboards outside an English classroom caught her eye. The prompt was to put together a posterboard that described an object with sentimental value to the student.

Some were standard, such as a collection of stamps and trading cards.

Naturally, she found Milo Murphy's project towards the end. The material was slightly singed at the corners, but still usable. A photo of Milo holding his backpack was displayed in the middle of the board.

 _My old babysitter Veronica gave me this backpack, which I never leave home without! While I don't get to see her that often because her job at Ye Olde Pizza eats up a lot of time, my backpack will always remind me of the fun times we had when I was little!_

 _I keep everything in here because my backpack has proven time and time again that it's trustworthy, reliable, and contains twenty homes away from home! Maybe more than that! I don't know what I'd do without it, because it's gotten me out of a lot of pinches._

 _Here's hoping that my backpack will be my loyal partner, friend, and family for a long time. And to my backpack, I know you probably can't read this, since you're inanimate and all, but please know that you're the best backpack a boy could ask for._

 _Let me know if you come to life so I can tell you that to your face!_

Mrs. Murawski smiled, and continued on her way. She wasn't the only one who appreciated the inanimate objects in her life, it seemed.


	22. The Island

_Okay so I figured I may as well go from the other angle and try writing the Island for once._

* * *

1\. _Okay So We're Kinda Bad at Naming Things_

"It has been brought to the attention of the council that we have never given our island a proper name," Councilman Dakota announced. "Oh, and Birthday Suit Dakota's request for banning pants is denied. Since we'd like to still be considered a civilization and all."

Birthday Suit Dakota slumped forward in his chair.

"We will now take suggestions for an island name. I saw your hand first, Farmer Dakota."

"How bout Watermelon Island?" Farmer Dakota suggested. "It sounds delicious. And I totally did not suggest that because I'm craving watermelon."

"All in favor?" Councilman Dakota asked. At least fifteen hands went up.

However, One of Several Dakotas Without a Defining Characteristic gave it a thumbs down. "Actually Watermelon Island has already been copyrighted by a race of watermelon people. Somehow. Yeah, I'm not really sure how they managed that. I guess they found a way to copyright names."

"Fine, Watermelon Island is out," Councilman Dakota said. "Any other ideas?"

"Death Island!" Cannibal Dakota shouted, waving a fork and knife in the air.

Councilman Dakota sighed. "Hey, Bodyguard Dakotas 1 and 2! Go put him back in the cage! Your lunch break isn't for another hour!"

They stuffed their mouths with as many grapes as possible before dragging Cannibal Dakota away.

"The Island!" Concession Worker Dakota exclaimed. "It's name is literally 'the'. How cool is that? Plus, only we'd know it's literally just 'the' and we can confuse newbies with the name!"

"I'm cool with it," Councilman Dakota shrugged. "So we all agree, right? I got a spa appointment in thirty minutes, so make it quick."

Every Dakota raised their hands.

"The Island it is! Meeting adjourned!"

2\. _Not Always Adjusting_

Some Dakotas adjusted to their isolated existence better than others. Some founded new industries and exported products to the world they left behind. They were content to have a tiny amount of input into someone else's life. However, it would never make up for the life they failed to protect.

Some Dakotas were good at helping the newcomers figure out what to do. After all, they'd been ripped away from the life they knew and hidden away forever. Healing began anew when they received another one. So they came up with the initiation. It would help them ignore the tears for a while.

Others weren't so lucky.

Most of the time, Cavendish died brutally in the timelines those Dakotas came from. As a result, they went crazy. They'd once tried to set up a center they could go to for help, but Therapist Dakota almost lost a limb to Cannibal Dakota and nearly strangled by Alcoholic Dakota 4.

The worst ones were the handful of Dakotas that just...sat there. Despondent, inconsolable, always sitting on a rock and staring at the ocean.

And every time a new Dakota came, they knew. They just knew.

3\. _Life is One Giant Soap Opera_

"Hey, Cavendish," the Dakota on the big screen said. "I kinda need to get this off my chest."

Cavendish checked his pocket watch. "You still have another ten minutes with that warm compress," he said sternly. "I don't want you coughing all over our food. So don't even think about raiding the refrigerator."

Dakota rolled his eyes. "Well, now that you mentioned it, I'm thinking about it. But that's not what I meant."

The Dakotas leaned in eagerly. "Come on, I've got five cans of pop riding on you making out," Soda Factory Worker Dakota muttered.

"So what did you mean?" Cavendish asked.

"That I have no idea what I'm gonna do with you," Dakota replied.

"C'mon, man!" someone in the front row shouted. "Be more creative than that!"

"Well, I have no idea what I'm gonna do with you either," Cavendish replied.

They were gazing into each other's eyes!

They were moving in closer, closer, just a few more inches-

The Dakotas waited in shock. It was happening! It was actually happening!

"GOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLL!"

The screen had shifted to an image of a birds-eye view of a soccer game.

"Whoops, sorry guys," Cowboy Dakota chuckled. "Sat on the remote."

The other Dakotas glared at him.

"RELEASE THE CANNIBAL OF WAR!"

Needless to say, Cowboy Dakota spent the next few days in a coconut tree.


	23. Uncles

_If you're still accepting requests for His World chapters; How about one on Milo and his Honorary Time Traveler uncles (and aunt)? :3 Double cuteness for if Doof and Perry are on the best uncle candidate list too X)_

 _Request from the-adorable-vinnie-dakota on Tumblr._

 _Always happy to take His World requests!_

* * *

1. _When's It Gonna Be?_

Milo had been asking a lot of strange questions lately. What's your favorite food, your ideal vacation spot, music preference, and the list went on. Maybe it was just an icebreaker thing.

"Dakota, what's your favorite dance?" Milo asked.

"Well, I always really liked the tango," Dakota said. "Cause it takes two, amirite? Dancing's always more fun when you've got a partner."

"Yeah, it is!" Milo exclaimed. "My last tangoing attempt resulted in me tripping over a crate full of mangoes. I'm not really sure what they were doing in a dance school of all places. Must've been a mix-up with the supermarket."

Dakota chuckled. "Hey, tango on mangoes. That's a good one!"

Milo grinned. "Funny how of all the tropical fruit they could've accidentally left behind, it's the one that rhymes with tango. Anyway, it's your turn, Cavendish! After this, I'll have all I need!"

"It's the waltz," Cavendish said. "This stays in the room, both of you. So why all the questions?"

Milo giggled. "Wait until Melissa hears that I was actually subtle at something for once! Told her I could do it!"

Cavendish and Dakota glanced at each other. "Do what exactly?"

"Plan your wedding," Milo replied. He grinned and flipped open a notebook, revealing that the pages were completely filled with diagrams of tuxedos, cakes, and wedding decor.

"Sweet!" Dakota grinned. "He's a good artist. What do you think, Cavendish? Cavendish?"

Cavendish's face was completely red, his mouth open in shock. "I...Dakota...what..." Milo continued to giggle at Cavendish's sudden inability to string two words together.

It took several minutes, but Cavendish's mouth finally caught up to his brain.

"I can't marry him, he's my partner! Stop laughing!"

2\. _Meet the Family_

"Attention parents and older sister!" Milo announced. "Allow me to present our dinner guest for the evening, Orton Mahlson!" He opened the front door and prepared to play a fanfare on his trumpet, but one of the valves popped off and rolled under the couch. "Just...hear the fanfare in your head. Whoops."

Sara immediately rushed to the pantry for a paper bag to hyperventilate in.

"Hi," Orton said, raising a hand awkwardly. "Lovely folks you have, Milo."

"Thanks!" Milo grinned. "That's my mom, my dad, you've met Diogee, and the one fangirling in the kitchen is my older sister, Sara. She'll calm down eventually."

"NEVER!" Sara screamed.

"Well, let's not stand here. I made roast beef," Brigitte said. "We'd better eat it before the coyotes get to it first."

"Ah, I love it when you say something's gonna get to our dinner first," Martin chuckled.

Orton glanced at Milo. "Do you actually have coyotes in your kitchen?"

Milo shrugged. "Not at the moment. But it's bound to happen at some point."

3\. _Honorary Family_

The certificate was hung up on the wall in their briefing room, the glass behind it everything-proof. Cavendish had taken to polishing it every few days so the dust never settled for long.

 _This certificate is hereby presented to Balthazar Cavendish, Vinnie Dakota, and Orton Mahlson in recognition of their efforts to save the world. Congratulations to being declared honorary Murphys! Glad to have you aboard!_

 _Milo Murphy_

 _Sara Murphy_

 _Martin Murphy_

 _Brigitte Murphy_

 _Diogee Ex Machina Murphy_


	24. Halloween

_THIS IS HALLOWEEN THIS IS HALLOWEEN_

* * *

1\. _Someone's Not Getting a Refund on That Halloween Decor_

"It's all right, Milo," Veronica tilted her Scarlet Pimpernel hat up to wink at Milo, who shrank against her leg at the sight of all the spooky decorations that littered Mrs. Santiago's lawn. "Look, the pumpkin is smiling at you!"

The candle on the inside of the pumpkin promptly burned the rest of it to ashes.

Veronica chuckled nervously. "Well, just pretend there's a smiley face in the cinders. That works too."

"C'mon, Milo!" Sara tugged him off Veronica's leg, nudging him towards the front porch. "Dr. Zone and Time Ape need to do the special trick or treat line together!"

"Don't force him if he doesn't want to," Veronica warned gently.

Milo adjusted his grip on the Dr. Zone's gift-shaped cast that served as his basket and slowly walked towards the house. He shot glances over his shoulder at the ghosts swinging from the trees, and the skeletons that littered the front lawn.

Only for him to come running back to Veronica when a ghoul with glowing red eyes popped out of nowhere.

"Hey! Leave him alone!" Sara scowled, stomping up to the ghoul and punching it in the face until the head snapped off. "He just wanted candy!"

Veronica grinned at the sight while she comforted Milo. Good thing he was easy to calm down. "We'll choose a house that doesn't haven't a lot of scary stuff. How does that sound?"

2\. _Trick or Squeak_

Eileen set the vacuum in the closet, about to grab her coat before they took Zack trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. Marcus had insisted on selecting the costume this year, claiming that Eileen would dress up Zack as something so precious that the world would implode from cuteness.

Well, there was some truth to that. But Eileen knew the real reason.

As she shrugged on her coat, she felt the air suddenly warm up behind her. She rolled her eyes.

"Tomcat, it'll take far more than your claws to scare me," Eileen said, turning around to look at Marcus, who frowned when his sneak attack was blown.

"How did you know?" he asked.

Eileen smirked. "I always know. Now, is there a reason why you chose a mouse costume for Zack? I thought you didn't want 7 billion people and counting to die from cuteness implosion?"

Marcus chuckled. "No reason at all. Now, perhaps my wife will enjoy hearing how loudly I can purr?"

"We'll see," Eileen replied, shaking her head fondly as she headed to Zack's bedroom.

3\. _It's the Great Pumpkin, Cavendish_

"I think you missed the bit where Milo said the Great Pumpkin story was from a cartoon," Dakota said, giving up on trying to pull Cavendish out of the pumpkin patch.

"I don't believe it," Cavendish grumbled. "Besides, the readings give no indication that a flying pumpkin comes from a different dimension to give children toys on Halloween."

Dakota tapped a large pumpkin that had a blue ribbon on the stem from a county fair. "I found the Great Pumpkin."

"Where?" Cavendish whirled around, frowning when he caught Dakota snickering at him. "Oh, be quiet."


	25. Thanksgiving

1\. _Parading Around_

There was no sign of Milo or Sara anywhere, and Martin was starting to panic. He fiddled with his tie nervously as he scanned the crowd of people lining the sidewalks of the parade route. "Brigette, I can't see them. What if they-"

Brigette covered his mouth. "Don't you 'what if' me, Martin Maximilian Murphy," she said sternly. "Milo and Sara are around here somewhere. And we are going to find them."

"Arf!"

They looked down to see their new puppy barking up at them.

"Diogee, find!" Martin exclaimed. "Couldn't have picked a better time to show up, boy!"

Diogee sniffed the ground, barked, and squeezed past the iron gates with ease. The crowd cheered for the puppy as he dashed past a marching band.

Ignoring the warnings and shouts from security, Martin and Brigette hopped the fence and followed Diogee, who turned onto the next street.

As they rounded the corner, Martin almost stumbled over a tire. In the wreckage of a Dr. Zone float sat Milo and Sara, guilty looks on their faces as Brigette helped them off the platform they were standing on.

"You scared us," she scolded gently. "Where were you going anyway?"

Sara looked down at her feet. "We were looking for Santa. Milo wanted to ask him for a present."

Milo nodded, giggling as Diogee licked his face.

Martin scooped up Milo in his arms, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Milo squealed and batted him off, wiping his forehead with a gloved hand. Martin chuckled. "Consider that your punishment, little guy."

2\. _You are Hereby Pardoned, Mr. Turkey_

"I, the mayor of Danville, now present the winner of the city-wide essay contest where adolescents had to write a short story about a turkey of all things," the mayor said gruffly. "Milo Murphy."

Milo squealed and rushed up the stage, accidentally yanking several cords out of their outlets. He stumbled to the microphone with a cord still wrapped around his foot. "Hi, everyone! Happy Thanksgiving!"

"I have a reputation as the mayor, Murphy," the mayor glared at him. "Don't ruin it."

"I won't. Besides, I always wanted to pardon a turkey!" Milo said, waving to the turkey he was pardoning. The bird's head swiveled around, scanning the crowd.

"And with this ceremonial giblet, I officially pardon this turkey!" Milo shouted, holding the giblet up in the air.

Melissa and Zack cheered, the rest of the crowd following suit.

"Yes, that's all well and good," the mayor ushered Milo off the stage quickly. "Now, as you all know, the workers of this city have been busy renovating the old theater district. Unlike the former mayor, I kept my campaign promise of-"

"THERE HE IS!" someone shouted.

A bead of his sweat trickled down the mayor's face as he held his hands up. "I don't have the dough yet, Sal!" he shouted nervously.

The crowd stood aside, allowing a man in a green uniform to pass through. "Book him!" he signaled several armed guards to apprehend the fleeing turkey. He turned to a young man with red hair beside him. "I can't believe he faked his own death! What a scoundrel!"

"Sir, I really can't blame him for faking his death to avoid his nemesis on Thanksgiving. Dr. Bates did work on taxidermy after all."

3\. _What Are You Thankful For?_

"You can't just ask those questions out of the blue!" Cavendish groaned, dreading where this conversation was going.

Milo grinned sheepishly. "It's always the main question we ask on Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?"

"Having a great selection of food this time of year," Dakota suggested. "Honestly, what would people do without pumpkin spice?"

"While that is a bonus, I meant something from the heart," Milo said. "Without family and friends to share the moment, the food is nothing special."

"Go pitch that to a holiday commercial," Cavendish muttered.

"Pretty sure the food is the best part anyway," Dakota said. "But if I said all of us are alive and well, does that work?"

His smile didn't quite reach his eyes when he said that, but Milo didn't dwell on it for long.

Milo nudged Cavendish with his elbow. "Your turn."

Instead of answering, Cavendish wrote something on a slip of paper and passed it to Milo. He laid his head on his desk, his cheeks slowly turning red.

Milo unfolded the slip, and Dakota peered over his shoulder to read it. Five seconds later, they wrapped Cavendish in a tight hug.

"That's so sweet! I'm thankful for you guys too! And the rest of my family and friends!" Milo exclaimed.

"You're so sappy," Dakota lightly slapped Cavendish's shoulder.

"I can always take it back," Cavendish said, though he didn't brush them off. "You two can be amusing. Sometimes."


End file.
